Thursday, August 11, 2005

New Frontiers In Dental Hygiene

"What's the ugliest Part Of Your Body?" -Frank Zappa

Ah, the celebrated parts of your body, the shining eyes, the tawny hair, the sensuous lips, the sensitive hands, the aromatic armpits? Some things are usually better left unsaid. Not that that would deter me. I'm not talking here about your nervous Driver-Exam-Job-Interview-type B.O., just the natural scent that happens to be in and around the area where your arm joins your body. That slight, intriguing scent, that implies all sorts of potentialities. I sometimes think that those percolating pheromones are about the only way that we can naturally overcome our fear of intimacy, our olfactory sense is the most primal, after all.
The question of fur complicates things even more, but that is another topic altogether.
One of my most memorable experiences in this area involved a trip to the dentist for my bi-annual cleaning. The hygienist I had was new to this office, and had an unusual habit of reaching all the way across me to get her tools. I could smell her clothes (fabric softener), her deodorant (Secret), and then deep down, below it all, her. What could I do?. Anything I might say would be most inappropriate, or misinterpreted. I just lie there, intoxicated by her nearness, while she nimbly inserted razor-sharp scrapers into my oral cavity. I blush just to think of it! Alas! She never was seen at my dentist's office again, perhaps word had gotten out! I left that dentist for good a year later, and have never had another experience in dental hygiene quite like that. Life is Good.

By Professor Batty


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