Monday, July 03, 2006

Not-So Silent Night

Moorhead, Minnesota

Safely ensconsed in our chain-motel room, sheltered from the savage prairie heat and wind (actually, it was a delightful day) the Weaver and I settle down for a night of repose, recovering from our day's journey, looking forward to a family reunion the next day... Lights out...(click)

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What is that noise?

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Just the mini-bar refrigerator...I can get used to that, I suppose.

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THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr

Now what?

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whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr

Oh, I guess the A/C turned on, with its fan.

clunk...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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Now the A/C compressor turned off, the fan is still going...

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Great. A new tick from the A/C fan.

THUMP. The fan shuts off..

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Drifting off to sleep at last...

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zzzzzzzz...

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THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr

Awake again.

THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
clunk...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
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THUMP.whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr

Let's see, about a ten minute cycle on the A/C, six times an hour, times 8 hours = 48 REM cycles interrupted...

THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
clunk...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
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whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
THUMP.whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr

THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
clunk...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
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THUMP.whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!

What the...

BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!

Did the alarm clock get set by mistake?BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!Turn on light (click)BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!Press some buttons...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!(click)"looking for a new or used car?"BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!It won't stop!BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!"...stop by West Acres motors with the finest selection" (click)BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!"IT'S THE FIRE ALARM!"BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!
Get our clothes on...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!
BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!...BEEP!
Go out in the hall, (click) strobe lights flashing...BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!
Down the stairs, with a dozen other bleary-eyed patrons...BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!
Through the fire door... (Ker-chunk!)BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!FLASH!BEEP!
And out on the lawn.

A few minutes later the all clear is given (the DJ at a wedding reception thought it would be a good idea to turn on his SMOKE MACHINE!) and we all go back to our rooms.

OK. We settle down, turn off the light (click) and try to get back to sleep...

...

...

...

THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
clunk...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
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whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
THUMP.whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
clunk...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
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THUMP.whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
THONK!rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
clunk...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
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THUMP.whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr
whrrrr-ping-whrrrr-ping-whrrrr...

By Professor Batty



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