Saturday, November 06, 2004

Magic Words

   Most of us, if we have ventured forth into the world at all, have met a pair of Mormon missionaries. Now this post will have nothing to do with the validity of the Latter Day Saints, their theology or sociology. This last week I was approached twice, once on the street, and once at my door. I have to hand it to these guys (always a pair). They are invariably handsome, well-groomed young men, dressed conservatively (yet stylishly) in black. They are invariably polite, and actually quite pleasant. I'm certain that they may win a few converts just for their appearance and manners. The problem with them is that once you have heard their pitch, you either accept it and become a Mormon, or reject it.

   And reject it. And reject it.

   Let us backtrack a little now. My great-grandfather's grandfather's uncle helped found the Mormon religion. He was the number two man, he was the first baptized Mormon and he baptized the founder. He transcribed the book of Mormon from Joseph Smith's translations. In every book of Mormon, on the first page, is the testimony of the witnesses. His is the first name: Oliver Cowdery. He was also the Judas of the Mormon church - he resigned in protest over certain practices of the fledgling church. (No need to enumerate them here) All of this brings us to the point at hand.
What can a normal person do to rid oneself (in a civilized manner) of these pleasant but persistent pests? Four magic words. Four words, whose power is so great that the missionaries have been taught to flee from anyone uttering them, flee as if it were Satan himself uttering this foul blasphemy. Trust me. It works. The words?
"Oliver Cowdery was right!"
...Oh, and don't forget to smile! After all, they really are very sincere young men.

By Professor Batty


Blogger Mabel Jeanne said...

I had never thought of that responce, but I shall endevor to remember it the next time some nice young gentlemen try and shove thier religion down my throat.

Blogger Comica said...

Ah, a look into Batty's family tree. This is quite interesting. I've never been approached by Mormons, but Jehovah's Witnesses rather. Oliver Cowdery. I'll have to read up more on him.

Blogger Comica said...

I'm intrigued by the fact that every Mormon I have seen is well-groomed, polite, and beautiful. Never approached by them, but seen them from afar. Like a morally perfect oasis.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is a brilliant response! I'll have to keep that in mind. At the same time I too have roots in the Mormon religion, but mine are more recent. I grew up as the daughter as a Mormom bishop, and my brother is currently serving a mission in South America. It's interesting that both my sisters and I have nothing to do with the religion now.

(there now you know where I hide)

p.s. thanks for letting me borrow the bjork video, but I haven't had a chance to watch it yet.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have known you for about 10 years, and I never knew this tidbit.

daaaang dog, waynt we ever discuss religion?

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