There is a thin line, it seems, from being painfully single to not quite as single. It sort of sneaks up on you and you don't have enough time to fully respond to the situation. You are not exactly un-single, or in a relationship as you would call it, but still you are totally wrapped up in getting to know someone you didn't even know existed a short while ago.
For a control freak like me, not knowing where something is headed is the worst thing that can happen. Going with the flow, taking it easy and seeing where things will take me is just not something I do. Except when I'm traveling, which really is the only time I truly should know where the hell I'm going but that's a different story. I need to know where I'm going, how I'm going to get there and preferably whether or not there are going to be any stops along the way. I need to know how, when, why and what for. Everything less than that is unacceptable, which when I think about it is probably a contributing factor to the painfully single state I had gotten myself into.
I'm in the process of going down a deep and mysterious river and I don't know my destination yet. I don't have a life jacket or anything and hardly even have a raft to hang on to. All I know is that something is pushing me away from the banks and that force is stronger than the fear I have inside of me. All I can hope for is a smooth journey and that I will somehow manage to cope with the stress that comes with not knowing.
This is not fair, I should at least get a helmet or a life vest.