Yeah. Uhu. Is that right? Aha. Ummm. Yeah. Ok. Oh really? Ummm. Right. Aha.
I look at her as she over-eagerly nods her head and takes notes from all that I'm saying. Then she stops and looks at me with her penetrative stare. I feel as if I should have something to say but I know I can't say the things she wants to hear. Avoiding her eyes I stare out the window and play with my headphones like there is no tomorrow.
Tell me something about you. Aha. Umm. Ok. Uhu. Right. Yeah. And how does that make you feel?
I carefully dodge her questions even though I know she needs to know the answers to be able to help me. I don't know how any of it makes me feel. I don't know what to tell her. I sink lower and lower on her couch and while she waits for me to open my mouth I wander off on to the other side. To the other side where everything is good and you don't have to tell middle-aged head bangers how various situations make you feel. To my kingdom, my own little haven, where I decide who I let in and who not. I sometimes wish I could spend all my time there but at the same time I know the day that happens is the day they have to lock me up at some mental institution. Because as much as I like the other side, life is happening on this side. Right here, right now. So I better start coughing up the answers.
Aha. Uhhh. Ok. Right. Aha. Wait. Why? When in doubt, buy a sweater? Uhu. Road Trip? What?. Foreign Mafia? Yeah, we need another session. Next week? Good.