Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Pitch

"Thanks for letting me present my million-dollar idea at the novelties and promotions new products evaluations. I've got a concept for you that is a sure-fire winner in your marketplace, a group of products that will revolutionize how Americans view themselves and their culture. This product is small, with low tooling costs and a high profit margin. This product has the potential to be in every home, reaching every demographic and social strata. A fun thing, a happy thing, something everyone in the family will enjoy. What is this fabulous idea? What is this thing that will change the way you think about life?

In two words: Refrigerator Magnets!

What? I see looks of bewilderment? Someone in the back says "It's been done to death." Let me elaborate. In the past, these magnets have been used in mundane, petty ways. A calendar, a cute kitten, or a cartoon character. Even the "Instant Poetry" kits, while successful, only hinted at the potential of magnetic appliques. Let me say it again: Refrigerator Magnets. This time, think of the one image that has not been overused in this form, an idea that I've already mentioned TWICE and yet you fail to see- Magnets in the shape of, and with photo-realistic images of REFRIGERATORS imprinted on their surface! Think of it! That 1930's drum top Frigidaire™, the stoic Norge™ of the fifties, a gleaming, modern, Sub-Zero™, or a trio of '70's Whirlpools™- in Avocado Green, Harvest Gold and Poppy Red!

Everybody has good associations with the Fridge- the modern day larder, a veritable cornucopia, a dispenser of goodies for every one to enjoy. With the tabla rasa of that big front door crying out to be filled, what could be more appropo than the thing itself? I can see it now- a grid of vintage Coolerators™ arrayed on the front of your fridge- Andy Warhol himself couldn't have done any better. They're new! they're fun! They're POP ART! Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here not to sell you something, I am here to give you a chance to get in on the latest marketing craze, I present you with the future of home accessories: REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS!"

By Professor Batty


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