Thursday, December 06, 2007

Found In A Snowdrift


We had a major snowfall last week-end, I had driven into Minneapolis to check out an annual art sale held in a downtown restaurant. The City of Minneapolis takes a "wait and see" attitude toward plowing the streets, usually giving everyone a couple of days to flounder about in the the snow before any plowing commences. I had parked on the street; there was a spot a few blocks away from the sale that wasn't completely drifted in; it was a one-way; I exited to the curb.

Gleaming amidst the snow was a shiny aluminum tube, with a black plastic collar. "Hmm... a flashlight..." I mused as I tossed it into the car to examine later. The next day, when I had a chance to examine my find, I noticed that it felt kind of slippery for a flashlight. It was stylish: with a conical end, a raised design that coiled around its shaft, and the aforementioned collar at the other end. But where the lamp should have been was only a small screw-head. Turning it over, I saw a sticker with the words, "MUST CLOSE CAP TIGHTLY" printed on it. I turned the collar, loosening it and it came off- there were batteries inside, but still no light. I screwed the collar back on, tightly, this time...


It started vibrating!


Oh My!


Then I remembered where it was exactly that I had parked.


Near "Sex World", a certain sort of "boutique."


Then I also remembered why I don't go downtown much any more.


By Professor Batty



5 Comments:

Blogger Kristín said...

I am lost for words.


Blogger Rose said...

Auugh!
I remember my co-worker, who brought back this cool vibrating "back massager" that a "sweet little old lady" street vendor had sold her in Charleston. She was not convinced when we pointed out that it clearly had been designed for other purposes. Maybe when she went home and thought about it, though...
She brought it in to work when one of us had back pain, and we were all in REAL pain when we were through laughing...


Blogger lab munkay said...

And
I only find money lying on the ground dang it!


Blogger Comica said...

I find myself wondering why it was tossed aside...There's a dramatic plot line waiting behind this -- A woman, unfulfilled by her spouse, has to resort to a battery operated device to find her momentary nirvana; the only complete ecstasy she's felt in years. But one day, months after her purchase, her husband discovers the device and falls into a deep pit of despair. The woman, overcome with sympathy for her poor inadequate husband, tosses it aside amidst the Winter finery, willing to sacrifice her own pleasure to gratify him.

Then again, maybe the device itself was just faulty.


Blogger Professor Batty said...

Comica- I think this was a "Professional" model...

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