Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Locker Room

The worst of high school, at least for this scrawny "weeb", was gym class and the dreaded locker room. The first thing one was aware of when entering that sanctum was the infernal incense from the mixture of scents from old gym clothes and cheap cologne. English Leather, Jade East, and Canoe (but never Old Spice- that was what your dad wore.) There was some unwritten rule that unless you were on a varsity team, you were never to be caught carrying a gym bag home from school. Once a semester the lockers were cleaned and the potent garments were stuffed in a brown paper bag and brought home for cleaning (burning.) I remember taking showers in junior high, but not in senior. I don't remember doing any physical activity in senior high either- except for taking laps. We didn't have a budget, and no equipment except for a few lop-sided basketballs so it didn't matter anyway.

The locker room was where the older guys held forth on the fine art of courtship- or "getting some" as it was known in the vernacular. Bases- first, second, third or "all the way." "The fifty-fifty club", and that romantic ideal date- "Put out or walk home." Creepy. By the time I was one of the senior boys my gym days were long over.

Now that would be a memorable reunion- everyone to the the locker rooms to don gym clothes and then to the gym, play a little co-ed basketball, and then back to the showers. Maybe for our fiftieth?

By Professor Batty


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

You reminded me of the one thing I remember from gym class. The smell. "Thanks a lot", he said, sarcastically.

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