Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I Am Curious (Yellow and Blue) Part 2

Brave New World

Upon entering IKEA, I noticed a queue of kids lining up to enter the “ball room”, not a place for dancing, but rather a place where the little tykes could burn off excess energy rolling amidst thousands of brightly colored balls. There were stylized birdhouses perched above the fray into which the kids could throw the balls. Had this been a MacDonald’s there no doubt they would have been basketball hoops, with an NBA tie-in. The kids didn’t care.

The escalator to the showroom overlooked a 30 foot high vertical display of bedroom furnishings.

Not exactly a budoir, unless your idea of intimacy includes the concept of vertigo.

More like a dorm room, but without the Bob Marley posters and the annoying roommate.

There is a nightstand for your stash, however, and twin lamps- but only on one side of the bed!

Now an arrangement such as that would definitely cause some control issues to emerge in any relationship.

And, believe me, adjacent stripes of purple, pink, orange and yellow have never been "easy on the eyes."

Although they might go well with what's in the nightstand's drawer.

Then there was this bit of Orwellian doublespeak:

The part about “fine quality” — are those ironic quotes?
Does it mean that the quality is not fine at all?
Does it mean that they intended to fool us hoping that we won’t understand the double meaning?
Does it mean that they think that only the words “fine” and “quality” will stick in our rat-like brains as we scurry through this post-modernist maze?

Answers: Ja, Ja, Ja and Ja.

Topping it all off is the bizarre phrase ”And it turned out just super expensive, for us.”

It was almost not-quite super expensive, but made it only by a hair?

A mohair?

And “for us?” For us, yes, but not for YOU. YOU will be receiving luxury goods subsidized by our corporate largesse, leaving YOU with only an obligation that is “easy on the wallet?”

A brave new world of merchandising, to be sure.

Tomorrow: Fear of Fooding

By Professor Batty


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thrilling, yet frightening and somewhat confusing. Give us more!

Blogger lab munkay said...

Your exotic adventure is fabalous.

Blogger Móðir, kona, meyja said...

IKEA can indeed be shopping heaven - early in the morning when it has just opened and is empty of other customers...

And I love the colour combination of those sheets!

Blogger Professor Batty said...

Jon~ I haven't even touched the furniture!

L.M.~ My life is a never-ending carnival.

K~ My tongue is firmly planted in my cheek.

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