Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Reshma Sanyal speaks out!

Reshma Sanyal is normally a pretty forgivable person. She goes through life fearing only toxic men...and illness- ugh...but other than that, Reshma Sanyal is open to almost anything.

Reshma Sanyal is warm. Reshma Sanyal is caring. Reshma Sanyal is the kind of person you could sit down and talk to with a squirrel in one hand and a cup of cheese in the other. Reshma Sanyal doesn't mind your cheesy squirrel fetish! Ha! No!

Reshma Sanyal is an advocate of gay and lesbian rights. She even donates money to such organizations. Well, at least, she THINKS about donating some.

Sometimes, though, there are things that get even good old Reshma Sanyal's goat. Talking in third person, for one. But that's forgivable. The one thing that really gets Reshma goat, the one thing that, even by my standards, is completely unforgivable, is the extra 'E'.

Everywhere I go these days, it seems that everyone is trying to make new things look old, and one of the nation's favorite ways to antique itself is to add an unnecessary 'E' onto everything. So, "The Old Barn Shop", which had sold gym equipment for so long, becomes "Ye Olde Barne Shoppe" and switches over from selling perfect useful treadmills and dumbbells to selling completely moronic things like hand dipped candles.

What, exactly, are these candles dipped in, is what I'm wondering. I know that some of you slower readers out there are saying, "Psh, wax, duh. Jeez, Reshma Sanyal, you freak-ass weirdo." Well you know what readers...forget you. You can't make me cry myself to sleep whilst curled into the fetal position anymore! You have no power here!

Wait! Come back. I'm sorry? I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that, well, those gosh-darned extra 'e's really get to me sometimes, you know? I promise I won't snap like that again, okay? Pookie pookie?

Anyway, it is my humble opinion that somebody somewhere should do something about all those damn E-s. Maybe we should enact an 'E' tax. Anytime someone was discovered running a shop that they called a 'shoppe', they would be taxed a flat Rs 50,000 per year per 'e'. So, someone who owned "Ye Olde Shoppe" would be fined Rs 150,000, and the owner of that damn "Ye Olde Barne Shoppe" would be taken outside and shot.

Well, I was pretty upset about this, so I thought I'd share it with you lovely people. It's so good to have an audience to rant to and...

Hey, where're you going?

-Reshma Sanyal
November, 2004
Used With Permission

By Professor Batty


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