Love Hurts Twice

“Behind every beautiful thing, there's been some kind of pain.” ~Bob Dylan

Love hurts, doubly so when you are the one causing the pain.

Years ago, I got a phone call from someone I used to work with, a lover I had recently dumped. She was not her usual non-committed self—her personal style was akin to the Eve Kendall character in the film North By Northwest—this call was full of emotion.

It has often been said that one should never work with your lover. If things goes bad, one or both of you may have to get another job. I had already gotten another job, so that wasn’t the cause of this break-up. And it wasn’t a sexual issue, lord knows the only problem we had with that was weiner-burn. It was just her mien: neutral, non-committal, reserved. I went with her for six months and didn’t know a thing about her background, her non-work friends, her aspirations, her medical history, her family. I tried to introduce her to my friends (I’ll admit that it was at a pretty raucous party), she was appalled by them. We did go to a movie once. No reaction on her part. I had been in another dysfunctional relationship previously, I was beginning to think something was wrong with me, if that was so she was better without me.

That’s why I found the phone call so strange. She said she wanted to see me. She wanted to touch me, to be touched. To not be alone. She was crying at the end. It was the one time she actually showed her true self, but it was too late. I got over her, I’m sure she got over me. Then she vanished—left her job, someone we used to work with said that she had moved to Wisconsin.

Now, a half-century later, there is no trace of her on the internet, not even her last name comes up on searches. What I did find, however, was a song that accurately expressed her feelings that day:

Love hurts twice as bad
When you’re the one to blame
Years ago I got a call
From one who knew my name

A lover from the past
She wasn’t her usual free self
Her voice was filled with questions
About the cards that I'd dealt

Love hurts doubly so
When the pain falls on me
It's a long road to nowhere
With no lights to see

Her tears fell like summer rain
On a heart I’d left out to dry
I thought I was saving us both
But now I wonder why

She asked me what went wrong
How could we let it die
Silent was my only response
And guilt echoed in reply

Love hurts doubly so
When the pain falls on me
It’s a long road to nowhere
With no lights to see