Móðir, kona, meyja

Chapter 13 of Search For a Dancer, a serial memoir about a week I spent in Iceland. Mondays on Flippism is the Key

“I think that was our conversation, as nearly as one can recall a conversation when a woman talks to a man and a man to a woman, for of course the words themselves say least of all, if in fact they say anything; what really informs us is the inflection in the voice (and no less so if it is restrained), the breathing, the heart-beat, the muscles around the mouth and eyes, the dilation and contraction of the pupils, the strength of the weakness in the knees, as well as the chain of mysterious reactions in the nerves and the secretions from hidden glands whose names one never knows even though one reads about them in books; all that is the essence of a conversation - the words are more or less incidental.” ~ Halldór Laxness, The Atom Station

Of all those bloggers whom I’ve interacted with over the years, K stands apart.

In 2004 blogs were all the rage, especially so in Iceland. K was the mother (móðir) of 3-year-old twins, with a husband and a cat. Reading between the lines on her blog, it seemed to me that she was under-employed for her education and a bit lonely, missing the friends of her youth, many of whom had been scattered to the winds. Her blog was somewhat a mommy-blog, but with an additional focus on culture and her life on the ‘rock.’ I had had two young boys myself once so it was fun to follow her parenting efforts. She posted pictures of herself and her children doing things in an idyllic Flickr-fairy-tale-land. I had sent her a box of books that my boys had enjoyed when they were young. Other pictures on the blog showed her on nights out with friends; proto-selfies. She was the first blogger I met IRL (during the 2006 Iceland Airwaves) and her graciousness, charm and perceptive wit touched me. I met with her again in 2009, right after I had attended a concert so poignant that I teared up a bit. She comforted me then, and even called me later to make sure I was alright. In 2012 we met up again, this time with her new husband and young son. She was radiant: in full-móðir mode.  Since that day we had fallen out of touch. Life sometimes gets in the way of our best intentions.

I was a bit early so I was already in Hlemmur (a food hall) when I spotted her walking down the street. She worked just around the corner and was on a lunch break so this would be a time-constrained affair, unlike the other occasions when we lingered over coffee. She looked great, of course. I had always felt a bit shabby sitting next to her (Professor Batty meets Eve Kendall) and getting together with her was never quite seamless.  A week earlier she had misread my email for a meeting which caused her to text me from a restaurant with a “Where are you?” message when I was still three thousand miles away!

But now we were together again, in the eternal now, ordering Krösti-burgers. Taking our buzzer to a quiet table away from the main doors we began catching up. What a difference ten years made: K was now in the midst of a very painful divorce from her second husband and was a bit down. The one positive thing K had going for her though was that she had finally gotten her dream-job, working as a translator in the Icelandic Foreign Ministry. It was extremely precise and challenging work that paid well and was not without its perks (including junkets to European capitals!)  I felt a twinge of guilt in imposing on her schedule. We talked a bit about the Icelandic theatre scene and she gave me the lowdown on a musical I would be seeing in a couple of days. This musical was a big thing as it was the first full-blown production since the Covid restrictions were lifted. One of the characters was on the autism spectrum, and there had been a row amongst critics about having a ‘norm’ portray him. K’s involvement with autism has been vigorous and constant over the years, active in many circles (her blog was even called Aspie Mum) and she was the narrator for a documentary film on the subject of autism in Icelandic women in 2019.

When she was a young woman (meyja) she had lived in both Iceland and abroad. She had been an au pair in France and had even won some renown for her flamenco dancing! Now, as a mature woman (kona), her life was less free. Having to raise her son while dealing with a faithless husband during an epidemic will put a damper on the most optimistic soul. I wished there was something I could have done or said to make things better for her. She had picked me up when I was down and had enriched my life in many ways but I doubted if any of my words of consolation could have much of an effect. Nevertheless, I thanked her again for taking the time to meet with me. After finishing our meal we walked back to the Foreign Ministry. She pointed out a nearby art gallery as having a good selection of artists (and indeed it did) and then she was gone.

Some friends are life-long, some friendships flare-up brightly, only to quickly burn out. Some friendships are simply a case of parallel lives, two stars adrift in the heavens, each gaining a little energy from the radiance of the other and then parting to fade away to oblivion.

Svo lít ég upp og sé við erum saman þarna tvær stjörnur á blárri festinguni sem færast nær og nær. Ég man þig þegar augu mín eru opin, hverja stund. En þegar ég nú legg þau aftur, fer ég á þinn fund. ~Megas

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