The Batty Egosuction Clinic®

Friend, do you have that bloated “full of ones self” feeling? Are your hats all too small? Tired of wiping lip marks off your mirrors? Is your favorite Beatle song I Me Mine? If so, I have the answer. The Batty Egosuction Method®. Just four short weeks at the world-famous Batty Egosuction Clinic® and your feelings of self importance will be reduced to near-human levels. A possibly painless surgical technique followed by intensive behavior modification will create a new you, one with a balanced perspective, empathy for others, and a ‘just plain folks’ outlook on life that will make your existence a sunny walk in the park instead of a wallowing in a dark dank cesspool of ‘needs’. It even works on Republicans! Read this unpaid testimonial from Dr. Fuzz:

“I was a typical raging egomaniac until I tried Professor Batty’s Egosuction. No one could stand to be in the same room with me. Now I am loved by women, respected by men, and a friend of forest creatures and small children. In fact, my ego is so reduced I can hardly remember my own name!”

See how easy it is? Send no money now - no salesman will call - we’ll be calling YOU!

Offer valid only where licensed. Additional fee for sterilized instruments. 
Batty Egosuction® is a registered trademark of Flippist Archives, Inc.