Tips For Shoppers

In light of the Thanksgiving holiday, I will share with you some techniques sure to enrage fellow shoppers at the grocery store:

1. Always park your cart at an angle—especially at the end of an aisle.

2. If you have children, teach them to hang on the SIDE of the cart - if they are at the front or rear, they will not impede traffic.

3. Learn the cell phone ‘twist’—have someone on the phone try to direct you to a certain product, you will soon be twirling around looking for it—most entertaining for others.

4. If you must leave your cart, don’t park it next to a pallet—people can still get their product from the other side—leave it in an aisle (better yet, next to an aisle display.)

5. If your spouse is along, use this quality time to rehash every single petty argument you have had in the last twenty years.

6. If you have coupons, make sure that none of them match the products you are buying, this takes a little work on your part, but it will be rewarded with long arguments at the check-out!

7. And finally, of course, the old standby, keep your wallet, check book etc., in a safe place, that takes at least three minutes to find and never—EVER—look for it until the clerk gives you total!

Actually, I enjoy grocery shopping. People watching at its finest; the ‘real you’ is revealed: no pretense, no pride. Now were was it that I parked the cart?