My Holiday Sweater

As a dedicated follower of fashion, I needed a new piece of attire to complete my winter ensemble. After inspecting rows and rows of garments, I came upon it. A cotton sweater, the likes of which the world has never seen. Even Joseph, with his coat of many colors, had nothing on this. With a wild weave, a white-on-black warp, and accents of that classic color trio - purple, turquoise and orange, I knew I would be the height of glamor. When I arrived at my sister's home for a Christmas Day soiree, I casually removed my wrap and strode to the center of the room. With the jacket flung over my shoulder and my right hand causally inserted in my pants pocket (with the thumb sticking out) I allowed myself a moment of preening.

   “Where did you get that hideous rag?”

   “Tut-tut, I assure you, this sweater is absolutely ‘it’.”

The mood of the room was tense. I detected an imminent outbreak of snickering. I had to play my trump card. It actually WAS a card that came attached to my festive adornment.

  “Read it and weep, ladies and gentlemen… ”:

CONGRATULATIONS!
You have just purchased a garment that is a compliment to your taste and judgement. It is unmatched for style, comfort, and quality.

 Severe eye rolling ensued. “That's really creepy,” said one of the nieces.

 Hmph. There is just no accounting for some people’s lack of taste.

 And I have a card.