Unsavvy Shopper

Another Saturday spent hopelessly pursuing
the Holy Grail of Consumerism. I was just
along for the ride, my eldest needed to pick
up some expedition supplies before heading
off to Antarctica for the third time. We
stopped in the sporting goods store, I've
never quite figured out what their definition
of "sport" was, but it seems to involve
spending lots of money on esoteric
(and often lethal) gear, in the hope of
killing some unarmed critter. While he
shopped, I wandered into the fly-fishing
supplies:



Being the barely evolved simian which I am,
these sparkly things caught my eye right away.
New hair for my "Glam-Rock Barbie" dolls?
End "flames" for my bicycle's hand grips?
The best tinsel ever?

Further on, I found this disturbing package:



Now I am not a fan of what some call "tree
rats", especially after they chewed holes
in my soffit and peed in the attic, but I
did find it rather harsh that you could buy
their "body pieces" in little cello bags.
It did say "natural", although not "organic."

We left that charnel house and stopped in
the nearby SUPER Target. With the exception
of the ubiquitous beef jerky (offered for
sale in Minnesota in nearly every retail
outlet) Target seemed to be animal-friendly,
I think even the shoes there are made of
plastic. I was in the drug/cosmetic area
when I found this:



My old childhood friend "Pixy-Stix™"
had been reincarnated, as a "dietary
supplement", formulated by a "school
teacher!" Nothing says "I love you"
more than a sprinkle of chemicals
whipped up by your kid's second
grade teacher. $7 a box.

Turning around, I did a double take:



Plump up the gloss, mothers and sisters...

Shaken, I went home and took a nap.

Then I woke up, convinced it had all been a bad dream...