FITK - Your Trusted Identity In Cyberspace

P. Batty, learned scholar, esteemed essayist, internet crackpot

(To be read in a terse, raspy "radio" voice, preferably baritone, with descending inflections at the end of each sentence):

Questions:

What are you going to believe?

How can you be sure of anything?

Who do you trust?

Answers:

If you read it here, you can believe it.

It's a sure thing.

Trust me.