Monday, February 21, 2005

No More Mr. Nice Guy!

After attending a de-sensitivity training seminar (part of a customer service class) I’ve decided to change my personality. No more musings on art and culture: I’ll replace those with Nascar updates. Björk? - now its Toby Keith. Vegetarian entrees at Cafe Brenda? Nope, I’ll do my dining out at Stuart Anderson’s Steak House from now on. Anti-Dubya tirades? A thing of the past, sign me up for the next Bush ‘pre-emptive strike’. Social awareness and compassion? No sir, strictly dog-eat-dog from now on. Dairy Queen? It'll be Dairy KING for me.

I’ll trade in my compact car for a Hummer.

I’ll replace my canoe with a big speed boat with TWO 200hp motors.

Garden rake? - Leaf blower.

The company of women? Now it’s the good ole boys network for me.

Fine wine with a gourmet meal? - Jack Daniels with pork rinds.

Gay marriages? - Nope, only sad ones.

Youthful enthusiasm? - Jaded cynicism.

Humor - Aggression

Love - Hate.


Where did everybody go?

I just wanted to fit in with the program.

I didn’t want to be alone like this.

I still have Rush Limbaugh.

And Ann Coulter.

And a Christmas card from Dubya.

And a life free of messy things like friendship, society, empathy.

I have MY freedom.

… please… somebody… comeback…

… please…

By Professor Batty


Blogger Comica said...

Everybody just calm down! He's not serious! Back away from the Christmas card, Professor! It's made you go positively Batty!

WATCH OUT! He's spreading negativity everywhere! NOOOOOOO!!!!

Ah, life is such an adventure in Minnesota. :)

Blogger lab munkay said...

"Pssssss, you, young man. Come just a little closer to the van, will ya? Don't be scared. You like a nice piece of brie? C'mon cheese won't hurt ya. Me and all my friends here just want to love on ya awhile. We will bring you with us to our commune for resensitizing. No! No! The company doesn't need to know...."

Blogger Lady of the lake said...

Professor is just kidding. I fear his sensitivity class taught him as much as these classes "teach" me! LOL . Oh, and Stuart Andersons' went out of business, Professor. (ONE FOR THE VEGGINS!!)

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