Monday, December 23, 2024

Apple Loves Me

Last fall the sitemeter for Flippism is the Key started recording visits from Apple, Inc. every day.

And not just once a day, but multiple times, each from a different Url.

I have written about Apple in the past but I am hardly a techie. I’d like to think that Tim Cook is staying up late and reading my deathless prose, or enjoying the fine photography or grooving out to my music videos. Or perhaps there is an internal Apple usenet that swaps links to interesting sites (in the middle of the night?) and has found FITK.

My fear is that Apple is systematically scraping my entire site for its own nefarious AI purposes.

But I really don’t know.

By Professor Batty


Comments: 0 


Wednesday, July 24, 2019

The iPad™ Redux

Note: first posted here July 29, 2009, six months BEFORE the Apple iPad™ was officially released…


In an exclusive FITK scoop, Professor Batty’s clandestine industrial espionage team has uncovered the complete specifications of the much-rumored Apple™ iPad™ computer tablet. Secret operatives in China, Cupertino and West Saint Paul, Minnesota, have pieced together scraps of evidence into a dossier with all of Apple's secrets. The list of features is long, but I thought I'd share a few of the more innovative ones with my faithful readers:


iStink™. Micro-ampules of essential oils are transmitted, via a set of inconspicuous nose plugs to enhance movies, videos, ads and more. Imagine clicking on a restaurant's home page and being able to smell the different menu items! This feature will premiere with a screening of John Water's Polyester!

Teeth Whitener™. Just set the screen at 100% brightness and hold it up to your open mouth. A whiter smile in only 10 days.

iGuru™. Ask it a question and the iPad™ will scour a giant philosophical database, giving you answers to any moral dilemma you may encounter.

Comic Strip™. You are inserted into the daily funnies; just watch the hilarity ensue when little Billy from The Family Circus finds out that he has a cyber-stalker- YOU!

Cyber-thighmaster™. Place the iPad™ on the offending flesh and watch as the cellulite melts away.

Friendster with Benefits™. I'm still testing that application.

Muffin Warmer™. Not to be confused with the previous two apps, the pad will run so toasty that you'll be able to have warm buns anytime you'd like.


I think you get the idea.

This gadget will change life on earth as we know it.

I'd pick up a few shares of Apple stock if I were you.

UPDATE:

It is now ten years later and yes, I do have an iPad™.

Apple stock was $23 then.

It is $208 now.

By Professor Batty


Comments: 0 


Friday, June 25, 2021

Planned Unobsolescence

This Blogger has finally upgraded his equipment.

I have been using a MacBook Pro, the de facto standard for non-techie creatives, since 2013. It has served me well, but is starting to show its age: the keyboard is wearing out, all of the ports are getting loose, and it is near the end of its upgradability with newer operating systems. Its convenience and versatility was commendable, but when I heard of the new Apple M1 silicon chip processor and its performance gains, and that it would be compatible with MacOS for the foreseeable future, and it was in a sleek iMac form, I had to spring for one. It lives up to the hype. With the addition of a hub and a SSD I won’t have to keep plugging and unplugging my peripheral devices, and my photo editing is a breeze.

At the risk of coming across as an Apple fan-boy, and I’m not enamored of every Apple device (anyone want to buy an iPad mini?), but I will state that Apple has come a long way since the 10" Macbook laptop (with a dial-up modem!) I was using when I started this Flippist Nonsense scholarly endeavor.

By Professor Batty


Comments: 2 


Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The Real Steve Jobs and the Future of Everything

If you haven't already done so, check out these ads for the soon to be released Apple iPhone. It may or may not become a commercial success, but it is already a big, long overdue step in user interface design. Note: I didn't mention computer interface. Certainly the device is based on a digital computer, synchronized with the internet (more computers) and handles digital information. But what this thing does (if it works as well as it looks) is finally liberate the input device from a keyboard or buttons. The interface mimics buttons, but because it is just a screen, it can be reconfigured to do anything (it's what the Newton wanted to be)

It is no coincidence that Apple came out with the Apple TV earlier this year. That product is not yet fully realized, but will be soon. In two years the US will change its method of broadcast television, effectively destroying the old system. What Steve Jobs is aware of, and not talking about yet, is that this is a opportunity to put together a bunch of existing technologies into a system which will be greater than the sum of its parts. (He did that once already, with the iPod, which is really just one part of a system- iTunes.)

Imagine this: It is the not too distant future. You are sitting at home, in your media center with your display/monitor. It is connected with satellite or cable, the internet (including movies on demand), a hard drive or some other way to store media of all sorts, even your home utilities/security/appliances. All of these things (with the exception of movies on demand) are possible now. You could, with great effort, assemble this system, have about a dozen boxes, scores of cables, and a coffee-table full of remotes.

Or you could have two things, a Mac TV (with monitor) and the iPhone. You wouldn't even need a personal computer! An elegant small device you could take with you, helping you throughout the day, and at home it would also integrate a suite of "intelligent appliances."

Stunning.
For a more technical treatment check this out.

And for a different perspective, you should read this.

By Professor Batty


Comments: 0 


Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Apple Store



The Apple Store on Post Street (across from Union Square) is a Mecca for moderns. It is full of true believers shoppers (as well as armed guards) who seek fulfillment from their digital devices. I’m not knocking Apple (I’m a user of their products as well) but the store’s location, as well as its window wall (with 45 foot high doors!), on the most high-rent district of San Francisco is a statement in its own right.

See and be seen, let hubris apply to somebody else.


Google Street View

See all the FITK San Francisco posts here.

By Professor Batty


Comments: 0 


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The iPad™

In an exclusive FITK scoop, Professor Batty's clandestine industrial espionage team has uncovered the complete specifications of the much-rumored Apple™ iPad™ computer tablet. Secret operatives in China, Cupertino and West Saint Paul, Minnesota, have pieced together scraps of evidence into a dossier with all of Apple's secrets.

The list of features is long, but I thought I'd share a few of the more innovative ones with my faithful readers :


  • iStink™. Micro-ampules of essential oils are transmitted, via a set of inconspicuous nose plugs to enhance movies, videos, ads and more. Imagine clicking on a restaurant's home page and being able to smell the different menu items! This feature will premiere with a screening of John Water's Polyester!

  • Teeth Whitener™. Just set the screen at 100% brightness and hold it up to your open mouth. A whiter smile in only 10 days.

  • iGuru™. Ask it a question and the iPad™ will scour a giant philosophical database, giving you answers to any moral dilemma you may encounter.

  • Comic Strip™. You are inserted into the daily funnies; just watch the hilarity ensue when little Billy from The Family Circus finds out that he has a cyber-stalker- YOU!

  • Cyber-thighmaster™. Place the iPad™ on the offending flesh and watch as the cellulite melts away.

  • Friendster with Benefits™. I'm still testing that application.

  • Muffin Warmer™. Not to be confused with the previous two apps, the pad will run so toasty that you'll be able to have warm buns anytime you'd like.

    I think you get the idea. This gadget will change life on earth as we know it.

    I'd pick up a few shares of Apple stock if I were you.

  • By Professor Batty


    Comments: 0 


    Wednesday, January 27, 2010

    Trade Show

    About ten years ago I went to Las Vegas for a photo industry trade show. There were the usual exhibits, ballyhoo girls, and tons and tons of photo equipment. These Irish dancers were a look back to a past culture, as was most of the equipment then on display:


    Everyone was trying to impress, but very soon nearly all of the equipment shown here would be obsolete. New digital technology was coming in, it was still crude at this show, but would quickly become dominant. The future would bring strange new forms to the photographic industry:


    Tomorrow, if all of the rumors about the new Apple "Tablet" are true (and they are rumors, not hype, for Apple has been silent) we may be on the brink of another technological revolution, this one affecting publishing and media distribution. I can hardly wait.

    But Vegas will always be Vegas. Some things will never change:

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 2 


    Wednesday, October 20, 2021

    Left to My Own Devices

    My love/hate relationship with products from Apple Inc., has entered a new phase with my purchase of an iPhone SE. Here is a summation of my flirtations and consummations with the digital progeny of Jobs, Ivey and Cook (pardon my exclamation points!)

    I’ve had various MacBooks for twenty years, the vast majority of FITK was created on one. I’m in my eighth year on my current one and, apart from replacing a few keys and routine battery changes, it has been a real trouper and still accepts the current MAC OS updates. There aren’t many other gizmos that actually get better with age. The newest MacBooks with the M1 chip are even better, but $$$$. Love.

    About two years ago I thought an iPad mini might be useful for handling my photos and some other tasks. It was not. Outside of a Scrabble-like game app and a couple of nerdy sound apps, it has been a bust. It does do Kindle but I’d really much rather read a real book. Hate.

    Last spring I got a new M1 iMac, with the next generation processor and a super-duper display. It is gradually becoming my go-to machine, a real advance in every way. Of course it isn’t very portable (and certainly not hand-holdable!), but that is the nature of a desktop. With an additional monitor, a Wacom stylus and pad, and a hub to tie all the peripherals together, it is simply dreamy. Love.

    And now-the iPhone.

    I had held off from getting any sort of smartphone until now, they were just too expensive and the mobile plans were no bargain either. Not anymore. I got a refurbished current model iPhone SE and a one-year no-contract mobile service for less than $400! While I probably won’t be burning through a ton of data if I do I can upgrade painlessly. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make on the phone is getting used to the operating system. Everything that is easy on my Macs is awkward on the phone, and not just because of the size. Many of the sites I visit feature a special mobile-view can usually be toggled back to the regular desktop view—which usually works better! Sometimes you have to turn the orientation sideways to get the best look—FITK works great that way—and a little pinch and zoom action tweaks it so it works just fine. Also, I can’t get an ad-block for Firefox that works on the phone and I think Safari is definitely a substandard browser. There is a new MacOS coming next week which might fix it.)  I’ll have to learn how to create my own custom home page icons on my iPhone, in only 19 easy steps! ½ Love, ½ Hate.

    So… unless I get into reading on Kindle (or Libby or some other reading app) it looks as if the device that will be left out of the mix is my iPad Mini; it is already pretty obvious that the iPhone will supplant it. The MacBook Pro will probably be retired in a year or two for a newer model—Apple announced some M1 MacBook Pros Monday. A laptop is still the most versatile device, but my M1 iMac is the most elegant experience I’ve had on a computer.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 0 


    Monday, March 11, 2013

    Wanda Gág Day!


    Mirror, Mirror, on the wall,
    Who's the fairest one of all?"

    "Queen, thou art of beauty rare
    But Snow White with ebon hair
    Is a thousand times more fair."
    Today is the anniversary of the birthday of my favorite Minnesota artist.

    Yesterday I picked up an original edition of her 1938 version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Wanda did the illustrations and the translation. The story is similar to the Disney version, but more nuanced. In it, Snow White is a child of seven, not a grown woman. She is tricked three times by the wicked queen. After she took a bite of the poisoned apple she slept for many years until a handsome prince is entranced by the princess in the crystal casket the Dwarfs have made for her. He persuades the Dwarfs to let him safeguard the princess, but when the casket is dropped the bite of apple falls from her throat and Snow White is restored to life, she marries the prince and, at the wedding dance, the evil queen is made to wear red hot shoes which make her dance until she perishes. All’s well that ends well.

    More on Wanda…

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 0 


    Friday, November 30, 2007

    Vista-Vision

    Worked with the Weaver's new laptop tonight- I had installed some extra memory in it so I thought I might as well take it for a little spin on the 'net. It was my first real experience on a PC running Vista; the dinosaurs I use at work are all on the XP OS. The computer itself was pretty nifty- a shiny new Toshiba with a nice keyboard and a good screen.

    I don't know what Microsoft is thinking. I did manage to reduce the number of "taskbars"* to two or three- (the top one kept jumping in and out-) it had started up with seven! The Peter Max inspired buttons and graphics didn't help either. It might just be the way IE expresses itself in Vista; I thought about installing Firefox but it wasn't my machine. The text and fonts were all wrong of course; I searched for some better ones in the prefs but had no luck. I had thoughts of writing this post on it but was constantly being interrupted with "Do You Really Want To" messages when I used basic blogger functions. I moved over to my MacBook, a smaller machine (and actually not as small as my older iBook- which I liked better) and shut down the Toshiba. I am not really a Mac Zealot, there's a lot they could do with their OS and hardware which would suit my needs better (and it isn't Leopard), but you must realize that you are dealing with a guy who gave away his iPod... some people are never satisfied!

    *I find it telling that Microsoft has "taskbars" which sounds as if they were some sort of torture apparati, whereas Apple has an "Apple Menu" which suggests a place you might go for a round of fruity drinks served with tasty appetizers...

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 3 


    Monday, June 04, 2018

    Watch This Space


    Ming Thein 17.03 GMT

    The old Timex Forester I had worn for twenty years had given up the ghost. It was a cheap watch to begin with and I never liked it. I should rephrase that. I had the Timex for twenty years, but I seldom wore a timepiece. But I have found a watch to be essential in my world travels—sometimes you just have to be at a certain place at a certain moment. I thought about the Apple Watch, a fabulous thing to be sure, but much too much for me. The Ming Thein watches shown above are considered “affordable” in the classic watch world, but not in mine. I find it interesting that they are priced almost exactly the same as the latest top of the line ceramic Apple Watch: $1300.

    Leaving the world of luxury watches aside, I began to prowl the almost infinite offerings from Amazon and eBay. A much cheaper (and funkier) option was an Indian HMT, a 17 jewel mechanical watch. It was still being made, by hand, up until a few years ago. A mainstay of Indian police, military and railroad workers for half a century, they came in a variety of styles and colors; refurbished models are about $18.



    I eventually got this one:
    I also bought this Tonnier “Naviforce”, a brand-new military style timepiece, for less than $10 new, it came directly from China:



    It was too bulky so I finally sprang for this sleek Danish design ($70):



    Scandinavian enough for my Iceland trip although, if I really wanted to go all out, there is a watch manufacturer in Reykjavík:

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 5 


    Thursday, July 20, 2006

    Choices

    When my laptop died (is five years too soon or not soon enough?) I was forced to make a decision. My options:

    1. Fix the old one- With a major motherboard-CPU repair, that seemed pointless.
    2. Go down to Best Buy and get a cheesy PC- Just like my work environment- (shudder.)
    3. Quit home computers altogether- And give up the daily scintillating insights from my Significant Others? Not bloodly likely. (You know who you are.)
    4. Bite the bullet and get a new Mac. OK, and done. Triple the machine (vís-a-vís my old iBook) thrice the memory, thrice the hard drive, sextuple the speed, uses the OS that I like, and no mouse. Track pads aren't for everybody, and I do have have a mouse if I really need it, I just find that a small notebook computer is so cozy and the pad (now with EXCITING TWO FINGER ACTION) completes the picture. It does have a built-in camera, however, which I promise to use sparingly.

    Which leaves me waiting a week or two, sneaking in on my son's computer ("Don't change anything!") and $1600 poorer. I would have one by now, but the local Apple stores didn't have the configuration I wanted (in fact, they were out of a lot of items- it was pandemonium in there, did I hear someone say that Apple is dead?), I'd rather just get it directly.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 2 


    Monday, February 11, 2008

    Cold Comfort Farm

    In the depth of this miserable winter (-40° windchill today) I yearn for a summer's day.

    A day when I was a boy in my grandmother's kitchen, a small 12'x12' room in a country farm house. That kitchen was a room that was bursting with love, even though that word was seldom, if ever, uttered there. There was a round oaken table where many hours were spent playing card games: Five Hundred, Whist or, if old "Poker Charlie" happened to stop by, Smear.

    Next to it stood the cupboard which held the good china, one of the few luxuries that my Grandmother possessed. Beyond that was the doorway which led into the entry. The pans for washing up were kept there, hanging by the screen door. The hand-pump was just outside, bringing up ice-cold well water, seasoned with a strong flavor of iron, and drunk from a copper cup hung on a hook fashioned from an old coat hanger. Spread around the yard were apple trees with apples so sour they couldn't be eaten- except after being baked into a pie. The potato patch was my Grandfather's domain—he grew Kennebecs—enough to last through the next winter. Running up to greet me with a stick in his mouth was Skipper, a dog who never tired of playing fetch. There was a wood pile on the south side of the barn, with a vegetable garden by the driveway on its north side. Down the road a half-mile or so was a creek with a mossy coolness under its bridge, making it a good place to wade.

    Those days seemed to go on forever and then, after supper, so did the good-byes. We would drive home in the sunset, with the barns and road signs along the highway lit up in a ruddy, golden glow. When we finally got home, the stars would be fierce pinpricks of light blazing in the black velvet sky high above us.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 6 


    Wednesday, June 01, 2016

    The Moon is Made of This?



    Sap Sago. A hard green cheese from Glarus, Switzerland. After several years of searching, I found it in New Glarus, the sister city of the original. A little stinky, it has a mild, herbal flavor. Made with blue fenugreek, similar to clover. Shred it on almost anything. I first became aware of it in the 1961 cookbook Wild in the Kitchen, by Minneapolis Tribune columnist Will Jones. Here's what he had to say about this unlikely garnish:
       In Praise of Green Cheese,Universal Ingredient X

       Let us get a few things straight on the matter of green cheese, a subject in which I fear the average citizen shows too little interest.

       The green cheese of which I speak is not the kind of which the moon is reputedly made, or cheese that is green in the sense that it is not ripe.

       The green cheese I’m concerned with is Swiss green cheese, called Sap Sago. It is green because it has herbs in it, and it is rock-hard, and good only for grating. A small lump of it costs only twenty-five to thirty cents. With that small lump a kitchen drudge can, for months and with very little effort, produce taste sensations that resemble those of a great chef.

       Green cheese is on the smelly side, but not strongly so. The herbs give it a distinct smelliness all its own. It is a smelliness that blends with other foods and them definite, but subtle, zip.

       I was first introduced to green cheese as a child by a neighbor woman who loved it so much she grated it, mixed it with butter, spread it thickly on bread, and ate it that way. Mixed with butter or cream cheese, it’s great for canapés.

       I’ve used it in all the ways other grated cheeses are used—in soup, or on toast in soup, in salads, on casseroles, on spaghetti and pizza, and in other Italian dishes.

       My favorite spaghetti—or macaroni, or noodles, or any of the other dozens of kinds of pasta found in Italian stores—is that served with a sauce made only of butter and green cheese, and a touch of black pepper.

       Maybe I’m a bug on the subject, but I have yet to find anything edible that can’t be improved, or at least given interesting variety, with green cheese.

       It is magnificent on a baked potato, or on any other kind of potato, including raw. I’ve had it on all sorts of vegetables, raw and cooked. It’s great on raw or cooked fruits. I have enjoyed it on meats, on apple pie, even on chocolate cake. I have enjoyed a wee sprinkling of it on top of a dry martini.

       And on eggs!

       Eggs and green cheese were made for each other. The simple way is to sprinkle the cheese on whatever kind of eggs you like best…

       …Somewhere, I know, there are citizens for whom this sermon has been entirely unnecessary. But I haven’t met very many of them. The most common reaction I have had whenever I mention green cheese is, “Huh?” This is too bad. It’s too good a thing not to be more widely used.

       Almost any week you can pick up a beautifully printed magazine of some kind and find a new article that tells you how a little shot of wine in the pot can give new stature to almost any dish. Such statements are about seventy per cent hooey.

       Wine has its uses as a cooking ingredient, but it doesn’t deserve such sweeping endorsement. Green cheese, on the other hand, does, and if the authors would treat it to some of the same kind of prose they’ve been devoting to cooking with wine they could do a great public service.
    So now you know!

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 3 


    Friday, December 11, 2015

    Moving Day

    This is chapter 80 of The Matriarchy, a serial fiction novel on FITK



    Sean was eating breakfast when Mary’s phone chimed. Mary was still asleep. He saw that it was from Jo and he picked up.

    “Hi, Jo,” Sean said.

    “Oh, hi Sean. ” said Jo, “Is Mary there?”

    “She’s sleeping. She had a rough night last night, the baby gets really active around midnight. I can pick you up if you are ready.”

    “Oh, I can get a taxi,” said Jo, “I don’t have a lot of stuff.”

    “It’s not a problem, Mary will probably be out for a couple more hours,” said Sean, “It will be easier to unload via the garage. You’re on Aloha, just off Aurora, right?”

    “1228, that’s right. I’ll be out front.”

    “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”


    The skies were a dull red, with sinister black clouds fringing the horizon. Mary found herself standing on a mountain, looking down on the chaos below her—cities on fire, highways jammed with traffic—and she sensed that there was a wild animal near her. Turning around, she saw a magnificent mountain lion, its eyes lit from within by what seemed to be glowing embers. “Save us,” said the cat, and he bounded away. Mary began drifting away, higher and higher, until she could see the whole world. It was splitting apart, as if it was on the verge of total destruction. “I know what must be done,” she said to herself.
    “I know what must be done,” Mary said as she awoke. Putting on a bathrobe, she got up and went out to the kitchen. There was a note on the counter from Sean, stating that he had gone to help Jo move. Mary went to the bathroom to prepare for the day.



    “That’s it,” said Jo, after she had put her things in Sean’s car, “Two backpacks and a trunk—all my worldly possessions.”

    “Well it certainly makes it easier to move,” said Sean, “I didn’t have much more than that when I first came to Seattle. “Are you going to miss this place?”

    “Transitional housing?” answered Jo, “Not much. That’s why I had to get the trunk, I needed something I could lock. It only takes one bad apple to ruin it for everyone. That place had a bushel of them.”

    “Well, you’ll have a place of your own, for ten months anyway,” said Sean as they pulled into traffic, “We might have to get into the spare room once in a while, but we’ll give you notice when we need to.”

    “Mary mentioned that. There are some of your grandmother’s things in there?”

    “Right,” said Sean, “Some paintings, some of her clothes, papers… ”

    “Are they valuable?” said Jo.

    “That’s a good question,” said Sean, “The art world runs on its own peculiar logic. I’ll be contacting various experts over the next few months—after the baby comes—so I may need to take some of the paintings from time to time. I don’t want to store them where I don’t have control of them—there still might be some remnants of The Brotherhood who might have reasons for seeing them destroyed. I would prefer that no one is aware of their existence until we can release them with maximum impact.”

    “Now that you mentioned The Brotherhood, there was a reporter in the coffeehouse yesterday, a woman named Elly, asking questions about you and Mary,” said Jo, “She was fishing for information—she linked my attack to Sally’s murder. I acted dumb.”

    “I was wondering when the press would bring this up again,” said Sean, as they pulled into the apartment’s parking garage, “You handled that well. Both Mary and I feel somewhat responsible for what you experienced and we want to do everything we can to see that you remain safe.”

    “So, I take it that this apartment has security?” said Jo, as they entered the elevator.

    “A lot.  The building itself has an excellent system, and both our apartment and yours have additional measures. I’ll explain them to you later. Mary might be up by now, I’ll call her, she can join us for breakfast.”

    “Breakfast? I don’t have any food.”

    “Oh yes you do,” said Sean, “Life is going to be a lot easier for you from now on.”



    Dick Merrit and Elly Nelson, reporters for techcreeper.com, had been following Sean and Jo since Sean had picked her up. Dick had taken photos of Jo getting picked up by Sean.

    “You’re sure they didn’t see you?” asked Elly, “You were pretty obvious, standing in the middle of the sidewalk.”

    “I was across the street. Besides, I think our Mr. Carroll is too besotted with ‘la barista bonita’ to notice if it was day or night.”

    “You think they’re lovers?” said Elly, “Where does that leave Mary Robinson?”

    “Where oh where is the mysterious Ms. Mary? Oh, do tell,” answered Dick, “She hasn’t been seen since she came back to Seattle,  barefoot and pregnant. It’s little wonder that Sean has arranged some action on the side.”

    “I think you are quite full of shit,” said Elly.

    “Think of it as manure,” said Dick, “If we want this story to grow it needs some fertilizer. They’re pulling into that parking garage under that apartment building. I’ll find out if Sean has an apartment there.”

    “I already know—Sean Carroll and Mary Robinson live in apartment 1012,” said Elly.

    “A three-way, huh?”

    “You never fail to imagine the most sordid scenarios, do you?” Elly said.

    “She’s not his sister,” replied Dick, “Although that would make it even kinkier. Whatever Sean’s game is, it has the making of a great story.”

    “Pictures or it didn’t happen.”

    “You’ll get your pictures, all right.”





    Fiction

    By Professor Batty


    Friday, December 19, 2014

    Prelude

    This is chapter 29 of The Matriarchy, a serial fiction novel on FITK



    Just as Mary was putting the map and Emily’s drawings into her portfolio, Sean walked into the shop.

    “You must be Marilyn’s boy. I knew you when you were little,” Edwin said, “I’ve been talking to Mary, she tells me you two are getting married tomorrow morning.”

    “That’s right. I do remember you, vaguely. I think I was in this shop, with my mother, when I was young,” Sean said, looking around, “It was a toy store then.”

    “So it was. It’s hardly a store at all anymore. Just a collection of things nobody needs; things nobody wants,” said Edwin, smiling, “Business is good.”

    “I’ve been showing Emily’s drawings to Mr. Duddle. He knows where most of the places are located,” said Mary, “He gave me a map.”

    “So, Edwin, I take it that you are aware of Mary’s powers?”

    “Yes, I received some instruction from Emily before she left. I know that Mary is the chosen one,” said Edwin, “I have been waiting for her for a long time.”

    “Sean, Edwin has agreed to be a witness tomorrow,” said Mary, “Edwin, we’ll be at the courthouse at 10 A.M. Shall we pick you up here at, say, nine-thirty?”

    “Yes, that would be nice. I’ll be here. It would be my pleasure.”

    Sean and Mary left the shop and returned to their car.

    “Edwin studied art with Emily, and he was in Tina’s high school class as well,” said Mary, “He’s familiar with some of the paranormal things Emily knew about, although I don’t think he was ever into it as deep as Emily was, or I am, for that matter. He had a tiff with Tina, years ago, so there may be some tension between them. But Tina told me that it would be alright if he was there. I think Emily would have wanted it that way.”

    “Speaking of Emily, has she ‘possessed’ you lately?”

    “No, I think she only makes herself manifest at certain times. It isn’t as if she’s hovering over me. I’ve been thinking about the ‘powers’ that she and I share. It isn’t that Emily is here now, it’s as if she is stuck in the past, yet…  is somehow able to look forward to the future through a common plane-something which underlies space and time. When this happens she is able to make use of me.”

    Sean looked perplexed.

    “I’m starting to understand these strange things I’ve been going through,” Mary continued, “Some of those things were in the past—like you and Molly in the motel, or Ramsen stabbing you in the bathroom. They aren’t visions, they are more akin to looking at a video. I need some connection to the event, like your scars, for example, to make it work. Perhaps, when I’ve become more developed, I’ll be able to look into the future, in the way Emily has.”

    “Speaking of the future,” said Sean, “I just made arrangements for our honeymoon.”

    “I didn’t see that coming—I must not be as advanced as I thought I was,” said Mary, laughing, “Are you going to tell me where we’re going, or will it be a total surprise?”

    “Whichever way you’d like it,” said Sean, “It isn’t far away, and it seems to be very nice.”

    “Surprise me,” Mary said, “Let’s go back to Tina’s.  After lunch, we can check out that bridge, the one in Emily’s drawing. I’m ready for another lesson.”

    “It’s about a mile to the bridge from Tina’s,” said Sean, “ Its a nice walk. We can turn it into a picnic.”

    “You’re just full of romantic ideas today, aren’t you?”




    Sean found an old wicker basket in Henry’s workshop. It had been covered with dust but it cleaned up nicely. Mary made sandwiches and packed them in the basket with a couple of apples and pretzel sticks, some water, and a Lindt chocolate bar. She used her phone to take several photos of Emily’s drawing of the bridge, including a close-up of that area which had been marked on the back of the paper.  Happy Hollow Road was quiet. The afternoon sun was warming the gravel but the the shadows along side it were cool—shaded by a canopy of trees. They walked until they reached the place where a roadblock had been erected.

    “Tina said that the bridge had been taken out five years ago,” said Sean, “It was beyond repair and, with only a handful of farms on this road, wasn’t worth replacing.”

    “What a glorious day. Any enhanced perception I might have is swamped by this,” Mary said, “Whispers from the wind, the quiet symphony of the insects at work, birds calling—I can see why you were sad to leave this place when you were little.”

    “This is it, is it not? Why we have been put on earth. You and me, under the afternoon sun, walking the earth, surrounded by life,” said Sean, “At a time like this I begin to think that all the work I've done in my life has been meaningless.”

    “And I’ve wondered about my work as well. ADR was just a way to cash in on the miseries that people had created in their own squalid version of reality,” she said, ”If it wasn’t so compelling, I’d be willing to describe this quest of mine, whatever it is, as merely another way to avoid living in the now.”

    “It is compelling, isn’t it?  The urge to know the previously unknowable; it’s the curse of humanity—it’s what separates us from the other animals,” said Sean.

    “Adam and Eve: Sin,” Mary continued, as she moved toward the roadblock, “Sin, in its original sense, is merely knowledge. What I’m looking for understanding. Where Adam accepted things on their face value, Eve was looking for deeper meaning.”

    A garter snake, disturbed from its sunbath, slithered between Mary’s feet.

    “Care for an apple?” said Mary.




     Fiction 

    By Professor Batty


    Wednesday, October 01, 2008

    Will Blog For Food

     

    I thought that I'd inaugurate my new austerity program on my weekly shopping trip. No more frills, only the bare necessities. Those strawberries look nice, but at $3.49 a pound I'll have to look for something more reasonable.

     

    What could be a better value than apple? Minnesota's own Honeycrisp™, yum... $1.50 EACH?... These spuds are more like it, it is said that if you plug your nose you can't tell the difference between the two... I DON'T THINK SO!

     

    Well I certainly could cut back on this junk food... I'll get in touch with my inner Inca with this quinoa- at $6 a box? Ouch!

     

    Yay! something I like to eat and priced at two-for-one. And maybe just one chocolate bar, or two, or...



    I think I just lost my appetite...

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 4 


    Monday, March 04, 2024

    Virtual Exercise



    Since I’ve begun my winter exercise regimen I have found that the innumerable “treadmill videos” on YouTube to be a great aid.

    I have a thirty-five-year-old NordicTrack ski machine that I have dusted off from time to time but always found it difficult to maintain my interest. Fortunately I had the book-reading attachment, which was actually kind of awkward to read a book with (hard to turn pages when you are working the ski pole simulating device) but it is perfect for cradling a laptop computer set to full-screen hiking videos:
    Three of the best series of videos are Simply HikingVirtual Running, and 4K Relaxation channel,  featuring interesting treks through nature areas around the world, with a special emphasis on New Zealand, Tasmania, and the Pacific Coast. I set the YouTube playback speed so as to match the pace of the person recording the video. Unlike VR, which can be disorienting, the physical simulation of treading and poling enhance the experience. For a real thrill try watching these running vids at 2x speed!

    I’ve also done city walks, this one from Reykjavík was especially charming:



    And Helsinki in a snowstorm at night is sublime:



    One caveat: Be wary of videos by “influencers” and other egomaniacs, their constant interruptions and commentary breaks the visual flow and destroys the immersive experience. Also note that some of the city videos are a bit haphazard—lots of parking lots and empty streets—while the best ones are made with a sense of destination; getting directly from point A to point B via lesser-traveled paths is usually better.

    The new Apple Vision Pro headset would seem to be a perfect fit for this application if YouTube could be enabled, and your neck muscles would get a workout as well:

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 0 


    Wednesday, June 08, 2022

    OK, Computer



    Before I accumulated my various Apple devices, I had The Commodore 64.

    64 kilobytes of computer memory. Hard to imagine now that some cameras have a thousand times that in one image!

    It was well-used, with the boys and me using it to play games, write programs, and we even had a dial-up modem for access to local usenets.

    And then one day it was not used.

    It languished in the basement, forgotten for 30 years.

    I dug it out the other day, part of spring house-keeping, and hooked it up to a modern flat-screen TV, and fired it up.

    It worked perfectly. I played some of the old games, they were just as cheesy as I remembered them.

    The neatest part of the games were the soundtracks, evidently there was a special sound chip in these that is highly sought-after.

    I put it on Craigslist and sold it in one day, to a middle-aged enthusiast who actually attends swap meets for these and other vintage computers. I have a feeling that he might part out the various components.

    Looking back, I think that this was one element of my life I could have skipped, although the boys needed it to fit into their changing world.

    I still play one computer game now—on my iPad—a Scrabble-like game called Classic Words. It can be wild; I’ve scored over 500 several times and once even hit 714!

    I rationalize its use by thinking that it keeps my brain nimble.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 0 


    Monday, December 30, 2024

    Year-End Gallery 2024

    Minnesota Museum of American Art, Saint Paul, Minnesota

    Not the best year.

    Still, FITK perseveres or, perhaps more accurately, abides. The ill-logic of running an endeavor such as this has always been apparent, but in the doing of it there are just enough rewards to keep me continuing. The biggest question mark in online publishing these days is AI, in all of its various guises. AI-generated content is overwhelming search engines, making finding this blog a needle in a hay field, not a haystack. When my stats indicate over 10k views a month (over 1 million total!), I have a sneaking suspicion that most of these ‘visits’ are bots or other scrapers. Apple, Amazon, Microsoft and Facebook all stop by fairly often and there are also regular visits from various LLCs. Not many commenters anymore, though—it seems that it just isn’t done as much as it used to be.

    My Icelandic obsession coverage here is winding down but I’ll keep the index in the sidebar for the book review, music, and photography for anyone interested in perusing these old posts. Many thanks to all those who have stoked my Iceland fires over the last 20 years—the embers of which will always remain warm. This past month’s ‘Little Miss Loopy’ posts were a fond farewell to Auður who had shown me the way in nearly everything on the internet (her early 2004 Icelandic blog was very similar to Twitter!) All the other Icelandic bloggers from 20 years ago have moved on as well, mostly to bigger and better things.

    While still using FITK as a base, my photography has been expanding with my involvement with the Homewood Photo Collective have broadened my horizons. Conversely, my travel plans have been scaled back, with grandchildren and a general ‘malaise of the flying experience’ rising, the quantity of my trips has been curtailed. Places I’ve traveled post-covid have all had difficulties (but not Iceland which, from my travel perspective, is about as seamless trip in logistics as could be imagined.) Alas, my desire is spent. The U.S. Southwest still has some appeal (I’ll be there in February) but flights there are always more difficult than they need to be. Seattle is always an option (and a great destination if you don’t have to drive.)

    So, what will the upcoming year bring to FITK?

    Having 20+ years of posts to revisit once a week is a nice way to establish an over-all perspective of the blog. Getting in touch with some of my old blog-pals (Maria, Kristín, Reshma, DJ Cousin Mary, Darien, and Karen/Sharon) over the last 12 months was especially nice. The rise of AI Suno program allowed me to set some of the more poetic FITK posts to music (which may not be a completely good thing.) The idea of a FITK podcast keeps bubbling up from my subconscious. Is there a DJ Batty in the offing? More long fiction is not on the roadmap, but there will be some shorter pieces showing up from time to time in addition to the usual mess olio of thought-pieces and images.

    I will offer you this, my closing comment, in Icelandic:

    Þetta reddast.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 2 




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