Wednesday, July 24, 2019

The iPad™ Redux

Note: first posted here July 29, 2009, six months BEFORE the Apple iPad™ was officially released…


In an exclusive FITK scoop, Professor Batty’s clandestine industrial espionage team has uncovered the complete specifications of the much-rumored Apple™ iPad™ computer tablet. Secret operatives in China, Cupertino and West Saint Paul, Minnesota, have pieced together scraps of evidence into a dossier with all of Apple's secrets. The list of features is long, but I thought I'd share a few of the more innovative ones with my faithful readers:


iStink™. Micro-ampules of essential oils are transmitted, via a set of inconspicuous nose plugs to enhance movies, videos, ads and more. Imagine clicking on a restaurant's home page and being able to smell the different menu items! This feature will premiere with a screening of John Water's Polyester!

Teeth Whitener™. Just set the screen at 100% brightness and hold it up to your open mouth. A whiter smile in only 10 days.

iGuru™. Ask it a question and the iPad™ will scour a giant philosophical database, giving you answers to any moral dilemma you may encounter.

Comic Strip™. You are inserted into the daily funnies; just watch the hilarity ensue when little Billy from The Family Circus finds out that he has a cyber-stalker- YOU!

Cyber-thighmaster™. Place the iPad™ on the offending flesh and watch as the cellulite melts away.

Friendster with Benefits™. I'm still testing that application.

Muffin Warmer™. Not to be confused with the previous two apps, the pad will run so toasty that you'll be able to have warm buns anytime you'd like.


I think you get the idea.

This gadget will change life on earth as we know it.

I'd pick up a few shares of Apple stock if I were you.

UPDATE:

It is now ten years later and yes, I do have an iPad™.

Apple stock was $23 then.

It is $208 now.

By Professor Batty


Comments: 0 


Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Need to Speed Read



I don't know about you, but my internet reading habits are almost always based on speed. I find myself scanning for keywords, slowing down (but only a little) when I find something of interest, and burning up text when I have no coherent focus. It's a bad habit, to be sure, but one born from necessity- there's just too much information and too little time. Now "real" reading- the reading of a proper book, that is a whole 'nother critter.

I've been following the developing Kindle™ and iPad™ conflict with some interest. I have neither, and am probably at least a year away from buying any kind of device which would augment/supplant my laptop. A TV ad for the Kindle portrays a smart, attractive woman (in a swim suit) at the beach blissfully reading her eBook while a frustrated, slightly dumpy man struggles with an iPad. The sexual connotations are not subtle. For some odd reason, I am always leery of an advertisement which alienates half of its potential market. The iPad™ ads, conversely, show people using them in happy, socially positive ways. Not in ways I would probably use, but at least sexual politics aren't a part of the equation. Both devices enable users to read text, but the Kindle™ is limited to a few fonts in a black on gray screen (perfect for the beach) while the iPad™ can do multi-media, internet and video in color (perfect for everywhere else besides the beach.) Both are deficient to a book when it comes to "paging" through content. Although they offer a page-like interface, they are still not (to my mind) as practical as browsing in a proper book.

My recent purchase of The Art Journal- published in London in 1879- provides an excellent illustration of the difference between a traditional book and electronic media. This folio sized (10" x13") volume (pictured above) is meant to be read slowly. Small type, set in two wide columns, printed on heavy paper, supplemented with exquisite steel engravings. It is almost impossible to skim this book. This publication has been scanned by Google; the result is a joke.

There is another way to experience books- aurally. Books on tape are nothing new, those relics of the 90's were followed by CD's and MP3 files. This brings a further change in the experience of "reading." A good reader is capable of giving a work an extra, dramatic dimension, albeit at a much slower rate.

Finally, there is that peculiar step-child of radio: Pod-Casting. In what may be the worst of all possible worlds, the pod-casts I've listened to have been almost excruciatingly slow at delivering information, regardless of how competent the creator is (and usually the presenter is not a very good speaker!) It's as bad as listening to documentaries on NPR. I am sure they fill a need, but not for speed. Still, some people love them.

Perhaps I need more research on Pod-Casts...

By Professor Batty


Comments: 8 


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The iPad™

In an exclusive FITK scoop, Professor Batty's clandestine industrial espionage team has uncovered the complete specifications of the much-rumored Apple™ iPad™ computer tablet. Secret operatives in China, Cupertino and West Saint Paul, Minnesota, have pieced together scraps of evidence into a dossier with all of Apple's secrets.

The list of features is long, but I thought I'd share a few of the more innovative ones with my faithful readers :


  • iStink™. Micro-ampules of essential oils are transmitted, via a set of inconspicuous nose plugs to enhance movies, videos, ads and more. Imagine clicking on a restaurant's home page and being able to smell the different menu items! This feature will premiere with a screening of John Water's Polyester!

  • Teeth Whitener™. Just set the screen at 100% brightness and hold it up to your open mouth. A whiter smile in only 10 days.

  • iGuru™. Ask it a question and the iPad™ will scour a giant philosophical database, giving you answers to any moral dilemma you may encounter.

  • Comic Strip™. You are inserted into the daily funnies; just watch the hilarity ensue when little Billy from The Family Circus finds out that he has a cyber-stalker- YOU!

  • Cyber-thighmaster™. Place the iPad™ on the offending flesh and watch as the cellulite melts away.

  • Friendster with Benefits™. I'm still testing that application.

  • Muffin Warmer™. Not to be confused with the previous two apps, the pad will run so toasty that you'll be able to have warm buns anytime you'd like.

    I think you get the idea. This gadget will change life on earth as we know it.

    I'd pick up a few shares of Apple stock if I were you.

  • By Professor Batty


    Comments: 0 


    Friday, May 15, 2020

    So Far Away

    This is Chapter 21 of The Inheritance, a serial fiction novel on FITK



    Sunday Morning, July 19, 2020, Seattle

    “Pabbí!”

    Vilhjalmur’s cry when the FaceTime link was established was like a dagger plunged in the heart of Sean. The only regret Sean had about fathering the boy was that he couldn’t be with him enough. Now, with the Covid-19 restrictions on travel, he missed him more than ever. It had been a year since he had been in Iceland to be with him, and it looked as if it might be another year, or longer, until he could return. There were ways to get into Iceland but none that didn’t involve days of quarantine and/or flights from outside the US, all direct flights from Seattle were canceled and the ones out of Boston were few. Mareka also missed her half-brother, they were very close when little and still had a special bond. Sean knew that it would be even harder to arrange a flight for a child.

    “Hæ,hæ. Villí,” said Sean, trying to be as composed as possible, “What’s new?”

    “Oh Pabbí, I swam two laps in my swimming lessons! I’m learning about big cats in school, and I am going to sing með tvö stelpur at Fríkirkjan next month.”

    Villí’s mix of Icelandic and English meant that Sean always kept his laptop open to a translation page whenever he FaceTimed on his iPad with his son.

    “With two girls! Oh how I wish I could be there,” said Sean, “Þora will do a video, I hope.” Þora was Villí’s mother; she and Sean had gotten together in Reykjavík eleven years earlier, during the ‘Billygate’ affair. After that rocky beginning, Sean and Þora had made the best of the situation and, with the help of Þora’s uncle Hilmar, Sean had done whatever he could to help raise the boy, including living in Iceland for extended periods with Mary and Mareka. Sean and Villí talked for several minutes, with Villí showing his father his latest artwork. “Would you like to talk to your sister?” asked Sean before he handed the iPad to Mareka.

    “Já, hæ hæ Mareka,” said the boy, “How are you doing?”

    After that ‘formal’ greeting, the two children were off on an extended conversation, Mareka telling her brother all about her adventures of the previous two weeks, with special attention to ‘Ms Bright Eyes’, the backyard raccoon. Villí had some trouble figuring out exactly what a raccoon was, and why there was a wild animal living in her yard. The talking part didn’t seem to bother him. When the two had finished talking, Sean asked to talk to Þora before they disconnected. When Þora came on the screen Sean was shocked at her appearance. She looked as if he had been crying. He knew that the Covid crisis had been hard on her—she had lost her job in the tourist industry-literally overnight. Some tourists were now starting to come again, mostly from the Schengen Area, but the number was only a small fraction of previous years.

    “Hello, Þora,” said Sean.

    “Hæ.” Þora’s voice was quiet, restrained.

    “Email me, tell me everything that is going on,” said Sean, “You know that I will do anything I can, anything in my power for you and Villí.”

    “Já, I will. I feel like I’m loosing the thread sometimes,” she said, “We miss you and Mareka, and Mary, she is like a sister to me.”

    “We’ll continue to monitor the travel situation, a lot depends on how big the Covid rebound is. We’d love to come, or have you come here, we have a lot of room in the new house.”

    “Takk, I will write, goodbye,” said Þora, disconnecting.



    Seattle’s TV station KWAH had seen better days. William Preston, its news director, had felt somewhat put upon by staffing cuts and he resented having to do grunt-work, things that used to be handled by flunkies and interns. That was why he had spent Saturday in the station looking at footage from the ‘witch riot.’ He had found Jo Sanford in his search but she was only in the background and, toward the end, standing on the bench of a bus stop across the street. He didn’t have any footage with Sean or Mary in it. A dead end or, what was more likely, a diversion and irrelevant to any real story. Preston couldn’t care less that Sean had been two-timing Mary, but he could make stretch the story to fill a couple of minutes on Monday’s newscast. Nobody had seen Mary or Mareka in Seattle after their return, and the only sighting of Sean and Jo was at the riot, no one had seen either of them since.

    The story wasn’t dead yet.



    Sunday Afternoon, July 19, 2020, Seattle

    Barbara Merrit, against her better judgement, had agreed to meet Marcel DuPage again. She sensed that he had always been a ladies man, and that he had more than an idle interest in her. Seven years ago, when he met the mystery woman who had been to a dance with Sean and Mary, he may have been appealing, but now that he was older he was just creepy. Still, he had been the perfect gentleman and he just might know more about Sean and Mary than he was letting on. She had been waiting at the Paccar Pavilion in the Olympic Sculpture Park. He was late and Barbara got the impression that he liked to make a dramatic entrance.

    “Ciao, bella!” said Marcel, as he breathlessly swept into the empty seat across from Barbara, “A beautiful day and a beautiful woman,” he continued, “I hope my not wearing a mask doesn’t disturb you. At least we are six feet away for each other.”

    When they had previously met they were mask-less, at a bench in a nearly empty park, but most of the well-spaced crowd in the Paccar were wearing masks. Barbara took off hers.

    “I choose this table because it is the most remote and not near the doors,” she said, “We should be alright. What have you got for me today?”

    Marcel may have been six feet distant but Barbara could still smell his cologne. She saw herself becoming attracted to him, in a weird kind of way, before thinking; “He may have gotten involved with someone twice his age, but I’m not going to,” and then she laughed at herself even considering the notion.

    “I’ve been looking at those pictures you sent me. There are some of Sean and Mary from Halloween, a few weeks later, it looks like they are in a park at night, there is a bonfire. File names IMG8732 through IMG8802.”

    Barbara opened her iPad and found the files. She hadn’t noticed them before, they were available light shots and quite dim.

    “File IMG8766,” said Marcel, opening his iPad, “I processed it in Photoshop and brought out some details.”

    Marcel had massaged a nearly black image into a clear photo of Mary, Sean and ‘Emily’, Emily in a novelty witch costume. There was another woman in what also appeared to be a witch get-up, but her clothes were old, museum-grade, obviously antique. The face of the woman was still dark, however.

    “One more adjustment,” said Marcel as he slid to the next image, “The mystery deepens.”

    Marcel had enlarged the mystery woman’s face and done some more processing to bring out the features. It was very grainy, but what it portrayed was unmistakable. It was not a mask, but a real, three dimensional object.

    What Marcel had coaxed from the shadows of the murky image was a human skull.



    Next Chapter: Needle Park

    By Professor Batty


    Wednesday, October 20, 2021

    Left to My Own Devices

    My love/hate relationship with products from Apple Inc., has entered a new phase with my purchase of an iPhone SE. Here is a summation of my flirtations and consummations with the digital progeny of Jobs, Ivey and Cook (pardon my exclamation points!)

    I’ve had various MacBooks for twenty years, the vast majority of FITK was created on one. I’m in my eighth year on my current one and, apart from replacing a few keys and routine battery changes, it has been a real trouper and still accepts the current MAC OS updates. There aren’t many other gizmos that actually get better with age. The newest MacBooks with the M1 chip are even better, but $$$$. Love.

    About two years ago I thought an iPad mini might be useful for handling my photos and some other tasks. It was not. Outside of a Scrabble-like game app and a couple of nerdy sound apps, it has been a bust. It does do Kindle but I’d really much rather read a real book. Hate.

    Last spring I got a new M1 iMac, with the next generation processor and a super-duper display. It is gradually becoming my go-to machine, a real advance in every way. Of course it isn’t very portable (and certainly not hand-holdable!), but that is the nature of a desktop. With an additional monitor, a Wacom stylus and pad, and a hub to tie all the peripherals together, it is simply dreamy. Love.

    And now-the iPhone.

    I had held off from getting any sort of smartphone until now, they were just too expensive and the mobile plans were no bargain either. Not anymore. I got a refurbished current model iPhone SE and a one-year no-contract mobile service for less than $400! While I probably won’t be burning through a ton of data if I do I can upgrade painlessly. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make on the phone is getting used to the operating system. Everything that is easy on my Macs is awkward on the phone, and not just because of the size. Many of the sites I visit feature a special mobile-view can usually be toggled back to the regular desktop view—which usually works better! Sometimes you have to turn the orientation sideways to get the best look—FITK works great that way—and a little pinch and zoom action tweaks it so it works just fine. Also, I can’t get an ad-block for Firefox that works on the phone and I think Safari is definitely a substandard browser. There is a new MacOS coming next week which might fix it.)  I’ll have to learn how to create my own custom home page icons on my iPhone, in only 19 easy steps! ½ Love, ½ Hate.

    So… unless I get into reading on Kindle (or Libby or some other reading app) it looks as if the device that will be left out of the mix is my iPad Mini; it is already pretty obvious that the iPhone will supplant it. The MacBook Pro will probably be retired in a year or two for a newer model—Apple announced some M1 MacBook Pros Monday. A laptop is still the most versatile device, but my M1 iMac is the most elegant experience I’ve had on a computer.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 0 


    Friday, August 21, 2020

    The Morning After

    This is chapter 35 of The Inheritance, a serial fiction novel on FITK



    Saturday Morning, August 1st, 2020, Seattle

    Barbara Merrit woke with a start.

    The sunlight was streaming through her bedroom window. She was lying on her bed, fully clothed, with the blanket from her couch draped over her. She tried to remember what had happened the night before and how she got home. She got up and looked around her apartment. After a cursory examination everything seemed normal, so she went into her office. Her laptop and iPad were plugged in as usual and the papers she had on her desk were undisturbed. She went into the bathroom and took off her clothes to take a shower. Everything was as it should be. She stepped into the shower and began to wash herself. She noticed a tiny red mark on the inside of her left forearm. “A mosquito bite?” she thought.

    After she was done in the bathroom, she went to the kitchen and started making coffee. Next to the coffee pot was her landline phone. She had a momentary feeling that the phone had some relation to her mysterious state. She checked the messaging and the C.I.D. history but both were blank. “That isn’t right,” she thought. The notepad that sat next to the phone was empty as well. Again she got the feeling that the key to the mystery was right in front of her. After she drank some coffee, Barbara went to the living room and got her jacket and purse from the couch. She would sometimes leave it there, but would usually put it away on a hangar in the closet next to the entry. She went through the jacket pockets and found her iPhone and car keys in their regular spots. “Normal,” she thought, “And now for the purse.”

    She opened it and began to check its contents.

    “This is wrong.” she said out loud.



    Mary walked into the kitchen. Sean was drinking coffee and scrolling through his iPad.

    “Hi, sleepyhead,“ said Sean, “I didn’t want to wake you. Pleasant dreams, I hope?”

    “Don’t ask,” Mary replied, “I love your grandmother, but she can really mess with my mind, even if she’s gone. It’s a good thing that one of us is an early riser… how was Mareka?”

    “She seemed chipper,” said Sean, “I think she’s glad that she can contribute. There is a lot of Emily in her.”

    “Where is she?”

    “She went out to the back yard with a handful of peanuts. She said something about talking to the crows.”

    “Any news?” said Mary.

    “Still trouble with protestors downtown,” said Sean, “I know it’s shallow of me, but I am glad we aren’t living there anymore.”

    “Have you seen Jo yet?”

    “Haven’t heard a peep,“ said Sean as he looked out the kitchen window, “Her shades are still drawn.”

    Mary’s phone rang, seeing it was Jo, she answered.

    “Hi Jo, what’s up?”

    “Oh Mary, I’m sick as a dog,” said Jo, “It’s Covid. I can’t smell or taste anything. I’m sorry, I must have picked it up in Spokane. I’m afraid you’ll have to be quarantined again.”

    “It’s OK, I’ll tell Mareka to leave you alone,“ said Mary, “Is there anything we can do for you?”

    “I’m set for a few days, but I’ll start a shopping list.”

    “Take care of yourself, we’ll be here for you.”

    Mary hung up and told Sean the news.

    “Well, I’ve been expecting that to happen to at least one of us, ever since we were in Iowa,” said Sean, “Do you want to tell Mareka or shall I?”

    “I’ll do it,” said Mary, “I’ll sneak out there, I want to eavesdrop on her corvid conversations.”

    Mary went out the side garage door and then walked quietly around to the back yard. Mareka was sitting in one of the patio chairs while a large black crow was perched in another. There were peanuts on the patio table between them. Mary stepped forward and “joined in” on their non-verbal communication:
    food is life/life is good/help yourself/protect us from eagles/long may you live/there is someone else here/i am the mother of this fledgling/oh mother/you are blood/welcome to our roost/beware there are bad humans all around you/we won't forget your warning/peace be with you/i must fly

    The crow then filled his beak with peanuts, gave a quick nod to Mareka, and flew off.

    “You can talk crow as well,” said the girl, “So you know it is real.”

    “Yes, I know, it’s another family secret. It is good to be friends with the crows for although they can be loud and mean and scary at times, they will always remember kindness,” said Mary. After a pause she said: “Mareka, I have some bad news to tell you.”

    “About the crows?”

    “No, this is about Jo,” said Mary, “She just called and told me that she is sick from the Covid virus. She will have to be quarantined in her house until she recovers.”

    “She isn’t going to the hospital?”

    “No, not yet. Hopefully she will recover on her own. You know that this means that we’ll have to quarantine for two weeks as well.”

    “Is Jo going to die?”

    “I don’t think so, but the virus is unpredictable.”

    “What can we do to help her?”

    Mary touched Mareka’s cheek.

    “Dream. Dream sweet dreams for her, my child.”



    In the grimy apartment above the Khorosho Tavern, two Russian agents were busy at a computer workstation.

    “This is all that was on Merrit’s computer?“ said the larger of the two men. He was pointing to the jump drive that the other had used to transfer all of Barbara Merrit’s files from her laptop computer.

    “Da. The key worked perfectly. She’ll never know that they have been copied,” said the smaller man, “The decrypting should be done in a couple of minutes.”

    "You put her to bed, with no funny business?”

    “The sedative worked perfectly. She should be awake about now, wondering why she went to bed with her clothes on.”

    “And she won’t remember last night?”

    “Not a thing.”



    Next chapter: Feelings

    By Professor Batty


    Friday, July 24, 2020

    Ghost Alley

    This is chapter 31 of The Inheritance, a serial fiction novel on FITK



    Wednesday Afternoon, July 29th, 2020, Seattle

    “Excuse me, aren’t you Jo Sanford?”

    Jo was seated at an outside table sipping a latte in front of Ghost Alley Espresso. She had just been approached by a curious-looking man wearing a flamboyant suit with a spotted bow-tie and sporting a pink beret. His lack of a mask made her uneasy. Jo had not been mask-less in public since the witch riot (when hers had been torn off by a protestor) and pictures of her with Sean had been posted on-line by Barbra Merrit, in an attempt to create interest in her book. Jo immediately knew that this was a kook who had seen her in the pictures.

    “Excuse me, sir, masks on!”

    "Of course! How thoughtless of me.”

    After they had both masked up Jo answered.

    “That’s better. Now, What is it that I can do for you?”

    “I am Marcel DuPage, forgive me again for interrupting your coffee, but would you be so kind as to answer a couple of questions?”

    Jo thought for a moment. The man was charming and the name rang a bell, so she decided that it might be better to speak with him directly.

    “I am she. This must have something to do with me and Sean, I presume?”

    “Indirectly, yes. But I am more interested in a woman that Sean and his wife escorted to a dance at my ballroom eight years ago.”

    Jo knew who the man was now. She had seen the pictures of Sean, Mary and Emily entering the dance, and had wondered about the images herself. Marcel DuPage been interviewed on some of the reports she had read.

    “Oh, yes, I remember seeing those pictures on-line. Pretty funny stuff, I liked the one with Sean and Mary and Mother Theresa.”

    “Those were photo-shopped,” Marcel sniffed, taking out his iPad, “Here are the originals. Do you recognize this woman?”

    “I hate to disappoint you, Mr. DuPage,” said Jo as she glanced at the device. The images on it were dated, with a time-code, and most had been enhanced. While the woman pictured resembled some of the pictures of Emily that Jo had seen, they were not conclusive. “To be perfectly honest, at the time these were taken I wasn’t in contact with Sean and Mary. I was living in a shelter and working as a barista. I had met them earlier, but I didn’t really get to know them until later, Mary and I had gotten to know each other better then.”

    “Oh, that is disappointing.” said the man, “You wouldn’t have any idea who the woman in the pictures is?”

    “Mary did mention that her step-mother had been to visit, but that was before I was on the scene. Could it have been her?” Jo knew that wasn’t the truth, of course, but she began to think that Marcel might have some secrets of his own, secrets that she could relay to Sean and Mary. “Tell me, Marcel, is it alright if I call you Marcel? What is your interest in all this? Do you really think that Sean and Mary are part of a conspiracy and have killed various people?

    ”No, no, no,” said Marcel, “And yes, please do call me Marcel. For me it is an affair of the heart.”

    Marcel removed his glasses and wiped his eyes.

    “Tell me, Ms Sanford, have you ever experienced a love so pure and intense that nothing else mattered?”

    “No.” Jo said. That was not a lie.

    “Well this is what I experienced with the woman in the photos, the woman who called herself Carol. Forgive me for being frank, but we had such a night of bliss, utterly surrendering to the great mystery.” He dabbed at his eyes again, “I’m starting to babble like an old fool, I’m sorry.”

    Jo was taken aback at his display of emotion. She could feel his sadness, but had little empathy for his infatuation.

    “Listen to me, Marcel. This quest of yours is futile. You are in love with a ghost. Give it up, make peace with yourself, find someone else, a real person, someone who you can share your love with.”

    “You are right of course, but that doesn’t help when I wake in the middle of the night and sense her body next to mine, smell the perfume of her skin, and hear her voice crying out in ecstasy.”

    “I understand,” said Jo, “But please, Marcel, understand this: Sean and Mary are two fine people, the finest I have ever known. They are doing the best they can in trying to bring up a daughter in a world filled with uncertainty and hate. What you are doing, what you and Barbara Merrit are doing by fueling these ridiculous theories, is harmful. It hurts innocent people and, if you continue down this path, it will end up destroying you both.”

    Marcel DuPage’s face switched from sad to angry in an instant. He got up and walked briskly away. Jo removed her mask and resumed sipping her latte.



    Mareka and her parents had just arrived home after their stay in the Cascades. Mareka ran straight out to the backyard while Mary picked up the mail on the counter that had come while they were gone. There was a note on the top of the pile:

    Hi guys!
    I went downtown—I just had to get out!
    Be back by 5 with supper.
    Everything was OK here, no riots this time!
    CU soon, Jo.

    Sean fired up his laptop and opened his email. Besides the usual dross there was a message from his literary agent, Jessica Eldridge, the woman who had brokered his books of Emily’s art:

    Sean, just a heads up from me. There has been a writer from The New Yorker magazine who has been pestering me about an interview with you and Mary and the legacy of your grandmother’s art. She’s a first rate reporter.I know you two have been under scrutiny from the tabloids lately but you can’t buy this kind of publicity. Maybe this would be a chance to get your side of the story out? Let me know.
    ~ Jessie

    “What do you think of this?” said Sean to Mary, “Are we ever going to get off this merry-go-round?”

    “Mm… I don’t know,” said Mary, shuffling through the mail,  “Hey, check this out… ”

    Mary handed Sean a brochure for an ‘Virtual International Wellness Event’. It was in with a letter requesting Mary to consider being a presenter.

    “Oh dear… ” said Sean, “Never rains, but pours… ”

    They were interrupted by Jo who had just waltzed into the kitchen with several bags of take-out food.

    “Indian tonight!”



    Next Chapter: Unclear Family

    By Professor Batty


    Friday, June 12, 2020

    Lost and Found

    This is Chapter 25 of The Inheritance, a serial fiction novel on FITK



    Monday evening, July 20th, 2020, Seattle

    After dinner, Mareka went out to sit on her ‘throne’, the big rock in the backyard. She had begun conjuring patterns in the grass with her new-found power. After a few minutes of this she started to feel the same tingling that she had experienced at the Ice Cave in Decorah. She also began to hear the music that had accompanied her earlier vision. Then things really began to change: the sky; the air; the earth; all of it swirling in a melange of sound and light. Everything was glorious.

    Instead of Mareka looking for a portal, the portal had found Mareka.

    In the kitchen, Sean was cleaning up and Mary was going through her social media contacts on her iPad when Jo walked in.

    “Hey,” said Jo through a half-smile, “Sup?”

    “Looks as if we’re trending again,” said Mary, “Trouble seems to find us. Have you been following the Tweet storms?”

    “My lawyer tipped me off when I was signing the papers for my mother’s estate.”

    “Oh, Jo, I’m sorry, I forgot about your mother,” said Mary, “My condolences on your loss.”

    “She’s free of her demons now,” said Jo, “What is the latest, besides me an Sean being a couple, and where did that come from?”

    “Barbara Merrit. An independent researcher. She’s got the idea that the three of us are responsible for the death of her brother and she is trying to portray as an immoral troika of killers, going all the way back to Billygate,” said Sean, “She’s evidently got some internet evangelist preacher in Arizona in on it too.”

    “Some of the guys from my old ADR team are looking into her connection with the guy in Arizona,” said Mary, “It looks as if there are some other players in the game.”

    “Mary, has anyone in the media mentioned Mareka?” asked Sean.

    “Not yet,” said Mary.

    “By the way, where is she?” asked Jo, “I missed her… ”

    “She was wondering when you’d be back.” said Mary.

    The three of them went out on to the patio.

    “Hey Kiddo, Jo’s here,” shouted Sean.

    There was no response, and no sign of Mareka either.

    “Mareka, Mareka,” Sean went out into the backyard; his worst fears began to creep into his consciousness, “Where are you, Kiddo?”

    “Wait a minute, Sean,” said Mary, “She’s here, she’s very close, I can sense her.”

    The grass blades in the lawn were swirling in large fractal patterns, creating an arc coming from the glacial erratic. Mary placed her hand on the large stone.

    “Mareka, baby girl, come to mama, come home… ”



    William Preston at KWAH had just finished editing the updated report on Barbara Merrit when his assistant came over.

    “You’d better check this out… ” he said, pointing to a crawl on Preston’s monitor:
    Andrew Stevenson, controversial internet preacher, found dead in Arizona.
    “Okay… how do we tie this in to the Merrit story?” said the assistant.

    “Tack it on to the end, without comment, until we know more we’ll let the viewer’s imagination decide what the link is.”



    Barbara Merrit had just posted a picture of Sean and Mary and the woman who DuPage said was Sean’s grandmother Emily to her Twitter feed.

    Who is the mystery woman with Sean Carroll and Mary Robinson, and where has she gone? Another death?



    Mareka had been swept up in a vortex of raw sensation. She was frightened, but fascinated. She wanted to go deeper into the glorious chaos but, in the back of her mind, a voice kept repeating “… come home, come home… ”

    And then, suddenly, there she was—out of the mælstrom and standing on the patio with Sean and Mary and Jo.

    She had wet herself.

    “Come on, girl, I’ll get you cleaned up,” said Mary.

    “Welcome back,” said Jo, “I missed you.”



    Next chapter: Mystery Woman

    By Professor Batty


    Sunday, August 30, 2020

    2020 Minnesota State Fair Fine Art Exhibit



    The Exhibit that almost wasn’t.

    Due to the pandemic crisis most of the activities of the fair have been curtailed. One that was rescued from Covid-limbo was the Fine Arts Exhibit. It was held in the same hall with the same entry requirements but was now a ticketed event with a limited number of admissions per 90 minute block of time. We went on opening Friday night; there was a ton of space available for social distancing. I did manage to recognize a couple of people with their masks on so there were some opportunities to interact (albeit at 6 feet away.) This year there were several works which referenced George Floyd and the riots that ensued from his murder.

    The painting was, as usual, the most imposing type of art work. It seemed to come in three broad categories: Paintings done from photos, homages to historical styles, and embarrassing. There were some very fine entries, however, here is a fine example of Trompe-l’œil from Preston Lawing:

    Pentimento


    A work in a different medium that caught my attention was Tamsin Barlow’s lino print Near Rochester. In this photo-shopped age it was a pleasant surprise to see a clean and elegant black and white image.

    In photography it seems that there are about four main types: Cell-phone pictures, dramatic portraits, street photography, plus the usual nature and wildlife clichés. Some people send in the same kid of work year after year—I can even tell who shot it before I read the label (I’m looking at you, Shelly Mosman and Amy Ballinger.)

    The sculpture is usually the only group that has a sense of humor. This year was an exception, I wasn’t as “wowed” as I have been in previous years. Textiles and fabrics are always quirky but I was not that impressed. Ceramics and glass left me unmoved as well.

    There was, however, something new under the sun. Michelle Mildred had done what she call a “digital painting” on an iPad which was then transferred to canvas. Very strong in its sense of design, it was beautifully executed, although it did remind me of 1970s record album art:


    Maria

    All in all, this year’s exhibit was certainly better than nothing. It’s been 47 years since the first time I had an entry in the Fair, to be in again was a kick. There were a couple of other old-timers from that group in the show this year: Joyce Lyon and Rod Massey!

    You can view the entire catalog here.

    You can get a trippy virtual tour of the exhibition here.

    I’ll post some previous State Fair “greatest hits” photos Wednesday to get back into a State Fair Mindset.

    See all of my Minnesota State Fair Fine Arts posts here.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 4 


    Friday, June 25, 2021

    Planned Unobsolescence

    This Blogger has finally upgraded his equipment.

    I have been using a MacBook Pro, the de facto standard for non-techie creatives, since 2013. It has served me well, but is starting to show its age: the keyboard is wearing out, all of the ports are getting loose, and it is near the end of its upgradability with newer operating systems. Its convenience and versatility was commendable, but when I heard of the new Apple M1 silicon chip processor and its performance gains, and that it would be compatible with MacOS for the foreseeable future, and it was in a sleek iMac form, I had to spring for one. It lives up to the hype. With the addition of a hub and a SSD I won’t have to keep plugging and unplugging my peripheral devices, and my photo editing is a breeze.

    At the risk of coming across as an Apple fan-boy, and I’m not enamored of every Apple device (anyone want to buy an iPad mini?), but I will state that Apple has come a long way since the 10" Macbook laptop (with a dial-up modem!) I was using when I started this Flippist Nonsense scholarly endeavor.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 2 


    Wednesday, June 08, 2022

    OK, Computer



    Before I accumulated my various Apple devices, I had The Commodore 64.

    64 kilobytes of computer memory. Hard to imagine now that some cameras have a thousand times that in one image!

    It was well-used, with the boys and me using it to play games, write programs, and we even had a dial-up modem for access to local usenets.

    And then one day it was not used.

    It languished in the basement, forgotten for 30 years.

    I dug it out the other day, part of spring house-keeping, and hooked it up to a modern flat-screen TV, and fired it up.

    It worked perfectly. I played some of the old games, they were just as cheesy as I remembered them.

    The neatest part of the games were the soundtracks, evidently there was a special sound chip in these that is highly sought-after.

    I put it on Craigslist and sold it in one day, to a middle-aged enthusiast who actually attends swap meets for these and other vintage computers. I have a feeling that he might part out the various components.

    Looking back, I think that this was one element of my life I could have skipped, although the boys needed it to fit into their changing world.

    I still play one computer game now—on my iPad—a Scrabble-like game called Classic Words. It can be wild; I’ve scored over 500 several times and once even hit 714!

    I rationalize its use by thinking that it keeps my brain nimble.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 0 


    Monday, October 26, 2020

    Creep Show

    This is chapter 45 of The Inheritance, a serial fiction novel on FITK


    Friday Evening, October 23, 2020, Seattle

    After Barbara Merrit buzzed in her mysterious visitor she immediately had second thoughts.

    “What if it’s one of those Russian assassins?” she thought, “I know I’m desperate for information but this is ridiculous.” She picked up her phone and entered 9-1. “I’ll see what he looks like first.”

    When she heard the knock on her door she looked through the peep-hole. Instead of a burly Russian thug, she saw a nondescript, vaguely hipster-ish man wearing a baseball cap and a charming smile. She put her phone away and opened the door.

    “Hi, I’m John.”

    Barbara Merrit blushed. The man standing in the doorway was handsome, no doubt, and had a hint of dangerous excitement in his mien. She was glad she opened the door.

    “I-I-I am, as you probably figured out, Barbara Merrit,“ she stammered, smiling sweetly, “Evidently we have somethings to discuss… with masks on, of course,” as she put on the mask that was hanging by the door.

    “Yo, sure, I didn’t want to startle you,” said John Stroud, pulling up a kerchief that was draped around his neck, “I saw your tweets about Mary Robinson and Sean Carroll.”

    Oh, yes… ,” she said as tiny beads of ‘dew’ began forming on her forehead. The handsome stranger had become even more intriguing behind a mask. She took a moment to compose herself and then continued, “I understand you have some information I might be interested in?”

    “Well, it’s not about that Mary and Sean so much, although it does concern them. It’s Jo Sanford who I’m here about.”

    “Well, yes, she’s certainly a part of this,“ said Barbara, “What is it about her that I should know about?”

    “It will cost you… ”

    Here it comes,” she thought, “I knew it was too good to be true…

    “… an hour of your time… “ said Stroud, “… over dinner? There’s a nice place down the block, with social distancing seating… my treat.”

    Barbara Merrit laughed. The idea of spending an extended period of time in her apartment with a handsome stranger was only asking for trouble—albeit a delicious kind of trouble—but not quite this quickly. A little ‘social distancing’ right now would be a good idea. And she was hungry.

    “Great idea! Let me grab my iPad and purse.”

    “Check. I’m at your command.”

    Merrit got her things together and the two went out into the night. It was cool and blustery, the spitting showers of the afternoon had ceased for the time being; Barbara and John made it to the local bistro without getting wet. They went in and were promptly seated.

    “So, Mr.— what was your last name?” began Barbara.

    “Um, Sanford, John Sanford,” said Stroud.

    “You are Jo’s husband?”

    “Um, no, I’m her… brother,” said Stroud. He was an experienced liar. “I’m here to find Jo and bring her home, her mother’s been heartbroken ever since she hooked up with those phoneys—that Sean guy and his witchy wife.” Stroud had only the vaguest ideas about Jo’s relationship with Sean and Mary, and those ideas were entirely from Barbara’s Merritthetruth Twitter feed. John figured that if he could play up to Barbara Merrit’s expectations he could find out where Jo was living.

    “Oh, I see,” said Merrit, “Of course, it all makes sense now.” The alarms on Barbara’s BS detector were ringing; she knew that Jo was an only child and that her mother had died a few months previously. Who exactly was this creep? And how would she get out of this predicament? John lifted his beer to his mouth and Barbara noticed a tattoo of the head of a snake peeking out from his shirt-cuff. “Real classy,” she thought. She would play it cool throughout dinner and see what she could find out what this charming liar knew.

    As they ate, the couple talked quietly, John spinning more and more outlandish stories of how Jo had been made a prisoner of a cult, how her mother was wasting away due to Jo’s refusal to come home. John seemed to be getting nervous and he started to fidget.

    “So, I guess all this boils down to the question: where can I find Jo?” John said, abruptly.

    “Look, I don’t know where she is now. After the riot they moved out of that apartment building. The last I heard they were in Iceland, Mary is some kind of bigwig in a new-age church there.” Barbara noticed that John’s right leg had begun to vibrate. “Are you OK? Are you high?” she said, pointing to his knee.

    ”Bitch, you know where she is. Tell me where she is,” he hissed.

    “Look I told you what I know. You can look it up your self, Mary Robinson—the Icelandic Spells app.” John’s charms were waning fast.

    John Stroud stood up.

    “Where are you going?” asked Barbara.

    “I’m just going to take a piss, bitch,” said John as began to walk to the back of the restaurant.

    After he had been gone a few minutes, Barbara Merrit signaled the server.

    “Did you see the man I was with?”

    “He left, a couple of minutes ago, through the kitchen, out the back door… Would you like your check now?”

    “I need a check, all right,” said Merrit, through a rueful grin, “A reality check.”

    She pulled her phone out of her purse and scrolled through her contacts until she found M. DuPage and then she hit ‘call’.

    “Hello, Marcel? Yes, it’s me,” she said, “Is your sleep-over offer still good? I need to hideout for a while.”



    Next chapter: Halloween Spooks

    By Professor Batty


    Tuesday, April 15, 2014

    More on the Emerald City


    Roosevelt Way NE, Seattle, April 8, 2014

    My first trip to Seattle was in 2002.

    The first thing I noticed then was the vitality of the city and its citizens. Maybe it was all the coffee? Subsequent trips reinforced this—the population density and activity gave me the feeling of living in an anthill. This time, however, something seemed different. The noise level certainly hadn’t abated; the cacophony in the city center (buskers, performance spaces, sonic art installations, sea planes, traffic) was almost too much to bear. The change I sensed was in the people. It seemed as if more and more of the massed throngs had that same flat affect of the hard-core digerati—too much time spent hunched over a screen, nervously scrolling, with a corresponding loss of physical vigor. The same things I’ve noticed in myself. When I see a campus full of young people dimly grazing their devices I wonder what they’ll look like when they are as old as I am.

    One of the things I wanted to accomplish when I first started this internet adventure ten years ago was to become as much as an original content provider as a content consumer. I can see that balance is now starting to tip in the wrong direction. The Seattle trip highlighted these concerns. I was much more engaged there (although it helped that the weather was gorgeous) that I had been in months at home. I took more pictures in six days than in the previous six months.

    My next serial novel (The Sequel!) is beginning to take shape, albeit slowly, hindered not so much as by writer’s block, but by frivolous diversions (i.e., most of the non-literati links on my sidebar) as well the arrival of an iPad in the house which has to be the most insidious time-waster ever invented (it isn’t mine, thank goodness!). It seems that it will always be a struggle for me to be fully engaged in the NOW. The artist’s dilemma, I suppose.

    Onward and upward.

    More Seattle later this week.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 2 


    Monday, September 21, 2015

    No Flash Please!

       I recently removed the Flash Player from my operating system. It was easy to do, and I've enjoyed the freedom from the constant barrage of Flash updates which I had been experiencing, as well as the FUD that comes with Flash security issues. Granted, there are many sites which still rely on Flash player, but I have found that I really don’t need to watch every single adorable kitten video. If there is some content which I feel that I really must see, I can check it out on The Weaver’s iPad,  a device which has never supported Flash (Thanks, Steve Jobs!).

       Outside of a few technical sites, I find that I've been using the I've been using the Internet less and less; is this a trend? I've been know to be a trend-setter in the past. Who knows? Perhaps we’re all on the verge of a Post-Web era.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 2 


    Thursday, October 13, 2011

    Biophilia

    It has been 4 years since Björk's last album, the often derided Volta. That effort found Björk paired with some questionable collaborators; it was probably her least successful major release. There has been a lot of talk about Biophilia: its merging of science and technology with music, its iPad app, its newly invented instruments. I've heard snatches of it on the radio, but have yet to hear it in one sitting, in its entirety. I've got the candles and incense lit around my Björk shrine, the lights are dimmed, and I've copied and pasted the list of tracks with each track's subtitle and writer(s).

    It's time.

    I'll post my initial reactions as I listen to it for the first time:

    Moon (Lunar cycles, sequences)..............Björk, Damian Taylor

    Delicate intro with halting sprechgesang lyrics turning ominous, then flowing smoother reminiscent of a Verspertine song, very natural voice.

    Thunderbolt (Lightning, arpeggios)........Björk, Oddný Eir Ævarsdóttir

    Majestic church organ morphs into science-fiction soundtrack behind B's impassioned lyric- turn up your subwoofers on this one.

    Crystalline (Structure).........................Björk

    Music-box "gameleste", Joga-esque rhythm- effective lyrics reflect an impression of patterns.

    Cosmogony (Music of Spheres, equilibrium)...Björk, Sjón

    The creation story as seen through Bjork's and Sjón's sensibilities, beautiful ensemble brass and choir, wonderful refrain.

    Dark Matter (Scales)........................Björk, Mark Bell

    Bizarre wordless vocalizations over funeral organ, nightmare soundtrack, very evocative of its subject.

    Hollow(DNA, rhythm)........................Björk

    Pipe organ madness through the space-time of DNA.

    Virus (Generative music)....................Björk, Sjón

    B takes on the role of an invading virus over "gamelest" background.
    Infect me! Infect me!

    Sacrifice (Man and Nature, notation)........Björk

    Wiggy "sharpsichord" plays behind heavy lyrics.

    Mutual Core (Tectonic plates, chords).......Björk

    Volcanic eruptions punctuate the irresistible forces of plate tectonics.
    Wild, wild stuff!

    Solstice (Gravity, counterpoint)............Björk, Sjón

    Organic, oriental approach to daily cycles.

    BONUS TRACKS:
    Hollow (original 7-minute version)..........Björk

    More intense than short version, actually works better in a longer form.

    Dark Matter (with Choir & Organ)............Björk, Mark Bell

    Lighter, not as scary as first version.

    Náttúra....................................Björk

    Originally a single released to benefit Icelandic conservation efforts, with a real drummer and spooky choir, sung in Icelandic, somewhat different than the rest of the album.


    Whew! What can I say? It would be a great mistake to think of this as an album of pop music. The "new" instruments sound great, although traditional organ voices are used even more. I never thought anyone would make such an experimental album with so much pipe organ in it! Musically and sonically challenging, yet her voice retains its natural sonority and it is as compelling as anything she's ever done. The sprechgesang delivery of the lyrics verge on becoming a bit stilted at times, but on the whole it is quite listenable. It is a n audiophile's delight- test your sound system with this disc! The Biophilia Wikipedia article covers the concepts behind each track far better than I ever could. Even if you aren't interested in Björk or her music it's well worth reading to see how her creative genius works.

    While I was listening and writing this post, the Reykjavík Grapevine put up a review of Björk's Wednesday night concert at Harpa.

    By Professor Batty


    Comments: 2 


    Friday, February 08, 2013

    News

    This is chapter 29 of Window Weather, a serial fiction novel on FITK


    ... Carroll, 33, worked at Applied Diffusion Research, a Seattle based data processing firm. Coroner Anderson gave this statement:
    "After comparing dental records from multiple sources, it was conclusively shown that the body was not that of Mr. Carroll. We are in the process of confirming the actual identity of the body, we have received information pointing to a person of interest, but are withholding the name pending additional confirmation."
    Mary Robinson shifted her gaze from her laptop to the large screen that was monitoring the network which was analyzing Billy Clarkson’s ‘evidence’ file. A column of names began to scroll down the screen. The most linked name was the Senator’s, followed by one she didn’t recognize: Roger Bannock Ramsen. A quick search revealed that he sat on the boards of several corporations which held defense contracts. He was wealthy from old tobacco money and was a ruthless behind-the-scenes D.C. insider who was known as having a knack for getting what he wanted. 72 years old, a widower, with a daughter, Nora, 40. Nora Ramsen Clarkson was the second wife of Senator Clarkson. Roger Ramsen had been linked romantically with a certain Sally O’Donnell, 47, the divorced wife of one of his business rivals.

    Mary let this new information sink in. It was obvious that she would be dealing with some heavy hitters. She initiated an extensive search on Sally O’Donnell. While that was running she returned to the list: Numerous Russian names, possibly arms dealers, some Syrian and Iranian connections. Afghan drug merchants, African warlords. Billy had done his homework well. After a few minutes, the search on Sally came up: images from society galas (some with her on the arm of Roger Ramsen), news clippings, and even a Twitter feed. Mary wondered if the Twitter account belonged some other Sally, so she clicked on it. The profile image matched. Mary scrolled back to late April. Most of her tweets were banal—social affairs, books read, movies seen—but the one from May 1st commanded her attention:

    SallyOD@SallyODonnell:Leaving Seattle tomorrow for a week with the Elves and Trolls in magical Iceland.

    She had been on Sean’s flight!



    Sally O’Donnell came into Sean’s hospital room alone. She was holding a shopping bag in one hand and a cell phone in the other.

    “Get dressed, Billy. You’re leaving.” Sally said, dumping clothes on the bed. She wasn’t smiling today.

    “I’d like to talk to the doctor about that,” said Sean. He wasn’t in pain, but he had only been stitched together for a couple of days and had been given stern warnings about moving about on his own. The wound was still seeping a bit and he was on a liquid diet. Sean wondered if Sally would be his nurse, or if she intended to leave him in the capable hands of Herbert.

    “We will see to your medical needs. This is not a secure facility.”

    Sean pressed the button for the nurse.



    Mary Robinson sat in her office, pondering her options. If she did break Billy’s information, the chances of it being tied to Applied Diffusion Research were pretty good. If she didn’t release it, she shuddered to think of what might happen to Sean. Or to Molly. The first scenario it would mean the end of ADR and put her and her twenty employees out of work. The second scenario would mean the ruin of two innocent lives. Mrs. R had delayed taking any action for nearly a full twenty-four hours. Her desk phone rang. The caller ID indicated it was from in-house. She picked up.



    Molly had just returned to her room—a storeroom full of books. It also had a cot, a sink, and a toilet. It was located above her friend Alice’s bookstore. Molly had used it before. She had just picked up a takeout order from a nearby Chinese take-out. She sat down on the cot, next to a table made from a double stack of old encyclopedias and a piece of plywood. She arranged food, first transferring it from the paper boxes it came to porcelain dishes. “I may be hiding out,” Molly thought, “But that doesn’t mean I can’t be civilized.” She set her iPad next to the food and then, when her ritual was complete, touched the local news app. Her eyes opened wide when the top story came up.



    Sean’s call for the nurse was answered by three F.B.I. agents, one was the agent who had tried to interrogate him when he had been in intensive care. The other two were younger and unfamiliar.

    “Going somewhere?” said one of the younger agents as he looked at the clothes which had been laid out on the bed.

    “Talk to Ms. O'Donnell here—I’m as weak as a kitten.”

    “Who are you, Ma’am, and what are you doing here?” asked the other young agent.

    “I-I-I’m a friend of the family, I was just bringing Billy some clothes,” Sally said, terrified.

    “She wanted me to leave with her, against doctor’s orders,” said Sean.  He wasn’t going to play the Billy game anymore.

    “Why don’t you come with me, Ms. O’Donnell?” said one of the younger agents, as he took her hand and escorted her out of the room.

    One of the remaining agents sat down in the corner. The older one stood beside the bed.

    “We’re going to have a little talk, Mr. Carroll,” said the older one.



    Next Chapter: Safe House

    By Professor Batty


    Saturday, April 10, 2004

    Dogma

    These are not misprints but beauties of my style hitherto undreamt of.” ~ James Joyce

    A collection of memorable FITK posts, sorted by year:

    2026

    Quiche
    Critique: End of an Era
    Street Vendor Huts
    Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows

    2025

    2025 Year End Wrap-up
    Óx Revisited
    Willey House
    Endless Summer
    Orange Crush
    Sound 80 and Me
    Mosh Pit
    I want to…
    Strange Santa Fe
    Experiments in AI
    Market Day
    The Eternal Dynamic

    2024

    Apple Loves Me
    Love of an Adolescent
    Adventures in Fine Woodworking
    Memories Like Jazz
    The Camden Motel
    Cosmic Apple
    Return to Shepherd’s Harvest
    Kenergy
    Virtual Exercise
    The Best Day
    Happy New Year

    2023

    Puzzling Perspective
    Iceland 2023 Recap
    RLBQ
    Mothers and Daughters
    Food Truck Frenzy
    Clouds Over Grand Marais
    Snookies Malt Shop
    Finely Drawn
    Retro Dance Party!
    Móðir, kona, meyja
    The Beautiful Child
    Soggy Sharon

    2022

    Day One
    Lifting the Shroud
    Flu Shot Saga
    Simple Meals Are Best
    Modern Problem
    Bubble World Revisited
    Job Opportunity
    Suicide Tourist
    Another Invitation
    French Connections
    An Invitation

    2021

    Time Traveling With Bob
    Fun with Dick and Joan and Bob and Mimi
    Sandhill Cranes
    Adventures in Linguistics
    Return to Bubble World
    Peggy and Her Pals
    Matchbook Masterpieces
    Ghost Neighborhood
    Arty Party
    Audio Artifacts…
    Fan Dancer’s Horse
    Puzzled

    2020

    My Last Cigar
    Tony Glover Auction
    Road Trip
    State Fair Memories
    Marlene Mania
    God in the Garden
    Hat Trick
    Viral Sharon
    Jono’s Letter
    The Last Gig
    My First Date Redux
    Honky-Tonk Woman

    2019

    Waiting, Wishing, Hoping
    Weekend in New Ulm
    Dylan Double Down
    Four More From the Fair
    Bubbleworld
    Beat Travel Guide
    Arty Afternoon on Willy Street
    Authority Figure
    Golden Boy Redux
    JC Revisited
    Dreams on a Winter Afternoon
    First Avenue

    2018

    Ceramic Culture
    Airwaves and Gender
    Anorexic
    Light Birds
    Red Sun
    Savoury Summer
    Hot Fun in the Summertime
    Art-A-Whirl
    Fade to Black
    Liar, Liar
    Pulp Flippist

    2017

    Porcelain Queen
    Farmers Market
    Wednesday Night…
    Betra Líf
    Save the Date
    Food Truck Frenzy
    Art vs. Nature
    Pastoral
    Livestock
    East Jesus
    Baffled by Benchley
    Harriet and Desha

    2016

    Walking with Ms. Lee
    Great Minds Think Alike
    How Does it Feel?
    Through a Glass, Darkly
    Missives from the Jazz Age
    Learning to Fly
    Astronauts: A Love Story
    Searching for Shoshanah
    Green Lake
    Depth of Focus
    February Thaw
    All those moments…

    2015

    Proustian Dilemma
    The Situation Girls
    Fimm Konur
    Four From the Fair
    Girls’ Night Out
    Saturday in the Park
    Rivertown Ramble
    Flaming Youth
    Visions of Shoshanah
    Woman Lake - 1980
    It’s All Too Beautiful
    Endless Summer

    2014

    Old Friends
    Wanda in Art School
    The Last Day of Summer
    Bayfield 1984
    Trail Center
    From Paradise to Sunrise
    Origami Litter
    Art in Bloom
    Face at the Window
    Wanda Gág Day
    Creative Writing
    Germanium

    2013

    The Artist and the Collector
    The Divine Mrs. M
    45th Parallel
    Blooms
    I Love the Fair
    The Mansion on the Hill
    Iceland for Night Owls
    Two Tickets to Paradise
    Missed Connections
    Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
    Playing Hooky
    Chanteuse

    2012

    Cindy Sherman
    Sunday Night Shopper
    Silent Movie
    Last Days of Summer
    Alice in Wonderland
    Night at the Improv
    Love Letters Straight from Your Heart
    Howie’s
    The Maestro's Farewell
    Fathers and Daughters
    Oral
    The Wallflower

    2011

    Convergence
    Book Review
    Batty Visits Development Hell
    Bill
    Best Friends Forever
    When Cars Had Tits
    Batty’s World Tour
    Patina
    The Mystery of Ye Old Mill
    Rituals of Courtship
    Joni Mitchell’s Coyote
    Walking on Thin Ice

    2010

    The Music of Failure
    Postcards from Chennai
    Sharon as Salome
    Cosmic Call
    Summer Hiatus
    Camping With Sharon
    Not Jim
    Archie
    Loss of a Pet
    Pascal Pinon
    January Thaw

    2009

    Mál og menning
    Bill Holm's Last Reading
    The Pastels
    L'Opera dei Dannati
    Sod
    The iPad™
    Haunted Castle
    Ensculptic
    Sex Dreams
    Invader
    Black Forest
    Iceland at the Crossroads

    2008

    Saturday Matinee
    Cold Comfort Farm
    Richmond
    Elizabeth the Great
    Oh! Those BC Girls
    Desperately Seeking Sharon
    Milestones in haberdashery
    Summer Love
    Soliloquy
    Door
    The Visitor
    Soft-core

    2007

    Cold Night
    Single Mother
    Amiina Now
    Beautiful Kisses
    Old Man With a Book
    Green Lake
    Pre-nuptial
    Twinned
    Sweet Rolls and Silence
    A Familial Misunderstanding
    Found Object

    2006

    700 Year Old Disclaimer

    The Boat of Longing
    Hippies in the Heartland
    Fine, I won’t walk around at night...
    lines.
    Smoking Lessons - The Pipe
    Family Values
    Hau Tree Lanai
    Seasonal Equipoise
    Water
    Garden Party
    More Postcards From Calcutta

    2005

    The bigger picture
    My Funny Valentine
    A day in my life
    Sex-Ed 101
    The Door
    Button Jar
    Dondi and the Waitress
    Dance Party
    The Accidental Traveling Companion
    Ghost Blog
    River Reverie
    Red Zinger Tea

    2004

    Salome’s Dance
    Mel Jass and Me
    Coconut Oil
    Gym Class
    Flippist Industries, Inc.
    José Loves Betty
    Pink ‘n’ Black
    Lesbians taking over the world?

    By Professor Batty




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